It is an amazing experience to watch your children grown into unique individuals. They were created by the same two parents, but have entirely different personalities and develop in such different ways.
One of the most wonderful things to watch is the impact that an older sibling has on the development of a second child. I realize how an older sibling impacts a second child varies in a million different ways, but in our house I believe the impact is an incredibly positive one. It is impossible to know what can and can not be attributed to the presence of an older sibling, but here are some of the observations I have made and believe are a result of having a fabulous older sibling.
Language Development
Charlotte has a fabulous vocabulary for a 16 -month old toddler. I don't want be "one of those moms", but when we were at her 15-month well-check up, our physician was extremely impressed with the number of words she could produce. I really and truly did not exaggerate on the form - what is the point in that? Perhaps Charlotte would have developed her impressive vocabulary even without a sibling, but I am more inclined to think that Lilah is a big reason Charlotte can produce so many words. We are constantly talking to one another in our house and Charlotte is almost always a part of those conversations. We also read a ton of books. There was a time when I was feeling guilty because I wasn't reading to Charlotte as much as I did to Lilah when she was young simply because time did not afford it. Seeing how much she LOVES books and reading has reassured me that the culture of reading and the importance of developing a love for it has been passed on to her despite less one-on-one reading time.
Pretend Play
I don't really remember when Lilah started engaging in pretend play, but I am fairly sure it was not at the young age that Charlotte has started to. I chuckled every time I see my girls crawling around on the floor together pretending to be dogs or horses. They even go so far as to put their snacks on the floor so they can eat them like a dog or horse would. It is really interesting to me that Charlotte engages in the pretend play side-by-side with Lilah and will even pretend when Lilah isn't around.
Social Development
It seems like a no-brainer that having a sibling would affect social development (in one way or another). Perhaps Charlotte is just a particularly social child, but she is so much more outgoing, affectionate towards other people and just generally social than Lilah was or is. I know there are a slew of factors that affect social development, but I am sure having an older sibling is one of them.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Rough Housing
Okay, so I said back in May that I was going to write on this blog a little more often and just like that another month and a half passes me by! To my credit, we are in the middle of an overseas move and I have been consumed with getting our apartment ready to be packed up, finding a place to live and being a full-time mom to my two active children.
I just wanted to write a quick blog to share how funny I think it is that my girls have started rough housing with each other (Charlotte - 16 months, Lilah 3 1/2 years). About a month ago as I was sitting at the computer dealing with something or other related to the move, I heard giggling behind me on the couch. I turned to find the two of the them climbing on top of one another and rolling around on the couch having the greatest time. The rough housing requires some supervision because Lilah forgets at times how much stronger she is than Charlotte and that she could actually hurt her pretty easily. That being said, Charlotte is a sturdy little toddler and can hold her ground pretty well. I feel like a referee, but I would rather do that to prevent injury than put an end to the fun and games because they just have so much fun doing it! It is a rare thing that they play "together" at something and I want to foster that - even if it is rough housing. There is nothing wrong with a little gentle physical contact and who said rough housing was only for boys anyway?
Stay tuned as I try to do a little backtracking to recap some of the things I have missed writing about over the past year!
I just wanted to write a quick blog to share how funny I think it is that my girls have started rough housing with each other (Charlotte - 16 months, Lilah 3 1/2 years). About a month ago as I was sitting at the computer dealing with something or other related to the move, I heard giggling behind me on the couch. I turned to find the two of the them climbing on top of one another and rolling around on the couch having the greatest time. The rough housing requires some supervision because Lilah forgets at times how much stronger she is than Charlotte and that she could actually hurt her pretty easily. That being said, Charlotte is a sturdy little toddler and can hold her ground pretty well. I feel like a referee, but I would rather do that to prevent injury than put an end to the fun and games because they just have so much fun doing it! It is a rare thing that they play "together" at something and I want to foster that - even if it is rough housing. There is nothing wrong with a little gentle physical contact and who said rough housing was only for boys anyway?
Stay tuned as I try to do a little backtracking to recap some of the things I have missed writing about over the past year!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
In the Blink of an Eye
Just like that - almost an entire year has passed since I last wrote on this blog. This dormant period was the result of a number of things - very little time to sit and write with two kids at home, spending more time focusing on our private family blog and a food blog I started and the busyness of life in general. I don't think writing on this blog will ever be as regular as it once was, but there are things that I want to document, remember and share so stay tuned as Mastering the Art of Motherhood awakens!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sleep Teaching
For the past few months, I had spending a significant chunk of my day rocking Charlotte to sleep for her 3-4 naps and at bedtime. While I absolutely loved to cuddle her and had been fully enjoying (for the most part) these special moments we had together, the time had come for her to learn how to fall asleep on her own in her crib (she was 5 months old).
How did I know this?
1) My motherly instincts told me she was ready (always trust your instincts).
2) She was getting so strong that when I was rocking her it felt as though I was fighting against her to keep her from squirming out of my arms. She had also taken to sleeping on her stomach and when I was holding her it seemed as though she was trying to wiggle herself into that position which doesn't really work when someone is holding onto you.
There are other more practical reasons as well.
The only way I could get Lilah to remain quiet and out of my hair for long enough to get Charlotte to sleep was to have her watch television and I was unhappy with the amount of television she had been watching as a result. Occasionally, Lilah's shows were not distraction enough. My frustration level would reach it's peak when I had been rocking Charlotte for ages and Lilah burst into the room just as she nodded off and woke her again. Before I blew my top, I needed to take action!
I am using the term "sleep teaching" because I dislike "sleep training". To teach is to "cause to know", "guide the studies of", impart the knowledge". To train is to "form by instruction, discipline, or drill". I am doing what we as teachers do in the classroom; provide support and reassurance, tailor our teaching to the individual child, exercise flexibility and make necessary changes to the lesson along the way if necessary (as an aside, I am a teacher trained to teach Kindergarten through 6th grade).
My Approach (My approach is not really rocket science and I most certainly did not invent it. Versions of it can be found in many books on sleep.)
Step 1: Nurse (Charlotte does not always want to nurse before she naps so this is not a necessary step).
Step 2: Sit in the rocking chair (where I previously rocked her to sleep) and read stories.
Step 3: Give Charlotte a little cuddle and a kiss and put her in her bed.
Step 4: In the beginning, I was staying in the room near her bedside placing my hands on her for comfort and shushing her when necessary. Gradually, I began leaving her bedside, but stayed in the room (sitting in the rocking chair beside her crib or doing odd, quiet jobs around the room) so that I could reassure her when she needed it. We are now at the point where staying in the room is not always necessary and is even sometimes counterproductive so I frequently leave and return only when she needs reassurance.
I am not a supporter of the cry-it-out approach whereby you leave your child alone until they fall asleep no matter how long it takes. However, I believe some crying is acceptable and even necessary in order for children to learn to fall asleep on their own. After all, crying is one of the strategies that babies use to shut out the world around them so that they are able to fall asleep. I have found with both of my girls that after a few attempts at teaching them to fall asleep on their own, I have been able to really quickly figure out which cries are the "I am trying to fall asleep" cries and which ones are the "I need you" cries. I don't hesitate for even one second to return to the room when I hear the "I need you" cries and give a cuddle or whatever kind of support is necessary even if it means taking them out of the crib, giving them a break and starting the whole process over again after a little time has passed.
Anyway, it actually ended up being really pretty easy (which reassures me that she was ready). We have been at it for a few weeks now and she has put herself to sleep for almost every nap and at night from the first attempt. The length of time for which she cries varies (sometimes there is no crying at all) and is very much related to how tired (or not tired) she is. It never takes more than 15 or 20 minutes for her to fall asleep and if she is still awake after 30 minutes, I get her up and we try again a little later. Lilah has been watching less television which is great and I think we are all better for making this change.
I was hoping that teaching her to fall asleep on her own would help with her frequent night wakings as well in that she would be able to put herself back to sleep rather then needing to be nursed back to sleep. Just this week, we have started to see that and she now sleeps for about 6 hours before waking to nurse and then has a couple of 2-3 hour stretches before waking for the day. She still occasionally wakes before her first feeding, but she only fusses for a few minutes before going back to sleep on her own. Now that is progress!
How did I know this?
1) My motherly instincts told me she was ready (always trust your instincts).
2) She was getting so strong that when I was rocking her it felt as though I was fighting against her to keep her from squirming out of my arms. She had also taken to sleeping on her stomach and when I was holding her it seemed as though she was trying to wiggle herself into that position which doesn't really work when someone is holding onto you.
There are other more practical reasons as well.
The only way I could get Lilah to remain quiet and out of my hair for long enough to get Charlotte to sleep was to have her watch television and I was unhappy with the amount of television she had been watching as a result. Occasionally, Lilah's shows were not distraction enough. My frustration level would reach it's peak when I had been rocking Charlotte for ages and Lilah burst into the room just as she nodded off and woke her again. Before I blew my top, I needed to take action!
I am using the term "sleep teaching" because I dislike "sleep training". To teach is to "cause to know", "guide the studies of", impart the knowledge". To train is to "form by instruction, discipline, or drill". I am doing what we as teachers do in the classroom; provide support and reassurance, tailor our teaching to the individual child, exercise flexibility and make necessary changes to the lesson along the way if necessary (as an aside, I am a teacher trained to teach Kindergarten through 6th grade).
My Approach (My approach is not really rocket science and I most certainly did not invent it. Versions of it can be found in many books on sleep.)
Step 1: Nurse (Charlotte does not always want to nurse before she naps so this is not a necessary step).
Step 2: Sit in the rocking chair (where I previously rocked her to sleep) and read stories.
Step 3: Give Charlotte a little cuddle and a kiss and put her in her bed.
Step 4: In the beginning, I was staying in the room near her bedside placing my hands on her for comfort and shushing her when necessary. Gradually, I began leaving her bedside, but stayed in the room (sitting in the rocking chair beside her crib or doing odd, quiet jobs around the room) so that I could reassure her when she needed it. We are now at the point where staying in the room is not always necessary and is even sometimes counterproductive so I frequently leave and return only when she needs reassurance.
I am not a supporter of the cry-it-out approach whereby you leave your child alone until they fall asleep no matter how long it takes. However, I believe some crying is acceptable and even necessary in order for children to learn to fall asleep on their own. After all, crying is one of the strategies that babies use to shut out the world around them so that they are able to fall asleep. I have found with both of my girls that after a few attempts at teaching them to fall asleep on their own, I have been able to really quickly figure out which cries are the "I am trying to fall asleep" cries and which ones are the "I need you" cries. I don't hesitate for even one second to return to the room when I hear the "I need you" cries and give a cuddle or whatever kind of support is necessary even if it means taking them out of the crib, giving them a break and starting the whole process over again after a little time has passed.
Anyway, it actually ended up being really pretty easy (which reassures me that she was ready). We have been at it for a few weeks now and she has put herself to sleep for almost every nap and at night from the first attempt. The length of time for which she cries varies (sometimes there is no crying at all) and is very much related to how tired (or not tired) she is. It never takes more than 15 or 20 minutes for her to fall asleep and if she is still awake after 30 minutes, I get her up and we try again a little later. Lilah has been watching less television which is great and I think we are all better for making this change.
I was hoping that teaching her to fall asleep on her own would help with her frequent night wakings as well in that she would be able to put herself back to sleep rather then needing to be nursed back to sleep. Just this week, we have started to see that and she now sleeps for about 6 hours before waking to nurse and then has a couple of 2-3 hour stretches before waking for the day. She still occasionally wakes before her first feeding, but she only fusses for a few minutes before going back to sleep on her own. Now that is progress!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
A Few Months Later...
I had a little chuckle as I read my Charlotte is a Sleeper post from a few months ago. My how things can change so quickly when you have a baby. I think it is humorous that just as you start to feel like you have a good thing going, they (they being the babies) throw you a curve ball. Perhaps it is just their way of keeping us on our toes, from getting too comfortable and from feeling like we have some semblance of a routine and order.
About 2 months ago everything went down the tubes as far as Charlotte's sleeping goes (well, I shouldn't say it all went down the tubes because she was still sleeping well during the day). She suddenly started waking more often in the night (like every 2-3 hours). Gone were the days when I would get three solid stretches out of her and gone were the days when I woke up feeling rested!
For the past two months, I have been blaming/hoping it was teething. If it was teething, my thought was that she would start sleeping well again once it/they came through the gum. Alas, teeth have yet to appear and it is getting harder to convince myself that teething is causing the frequent night wakings.
It has been two and a half years since we were in this place with Lilah. Most of her early milestones seem like they happened a lifetime ago, but the sleep deprivation seems like it was just yesterday.
If I include the sleep deprivation I experienced while pregnant with Lilah, I have now been sleep deprived for over 3 years. I suppose a few more months isn't going kill me (because Charlotte WILL be sleeping through the night LONG before she turns a year old...stay tuned for the post I write next March complaining that she isn't.). The best laid plans...
*On the bright side...Charlotte does go to sleep every night by 7pm so we at least still have that piece in place!
*In addition we have been working really hard on teaching her to fall asleep on her own in her crib and the hope is that it will help her be able to put herself to sleep at night when she wakes. It actually happened last night so I am very hopeful. More to come on this soon!
About 2 months ago everything went down the tubes as far as Charlotte's sleeping goes (well, I shouldn't say it all went down the tubes because she was still sleeping well during the day). She suddenly started waking more often in the night (like every 2-3 hours). Gone were the days when I would get three solid stretches out of her and gone were the days when I woke up feeling rested!
For the past two months, I have been blaming/hoping it was teething. If it was teething, my thought was that she would start sleeping well again once it/they came through the gum. Alas, teeth have yet to appear and it is getting harder to convince myself that teething is causing the frequent night wakings.
It has been two and a half years since we were in this place with Lilah. Most of her early milestones seem like they happened a lifetime ago, but the sleep deprivation seems like it was just yesterday.
If I include the sleep deprivation I experienced while pregnant with Lilah, I have now been sleep deprived for over 3 years. I suppose a few more months isn't going kill me (because Charlotte WILL be sleeping through the night LONG before she turns a year old...stay tuned for the post I write next March complaining that she isn't.). The best laid plans...
*On the bright side...Charlotte does go to sleep every night by 7pm so we at least still have that piece in place!
*In addition we have been working really hard on teaching her to fall asleep on her own in her crib and the hope is that it will help her be able to put herself to sleep at night when she wakes. It actually happened last night so I am very hopeful. More to come on this soon!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Homemade Play Dough
Up to this point, we have been buying brand name Play Doh for my daughter because it was just easier (or so I thought). Today I decided we would try to make some together and it turns out it is incredibly easy and a lot of fun to make! Here is the recipe we used...
Homemade Play Dough
3 c. flour
1 1/2 c. salt
6 tsp. cream of tarter (important for stabilizing the dough...find it in the spice section of your local store)
3 Tbsp. oil (vegetable oil)
3 c. water
food coloring
Mix all ingredients together in a large saucepan. Stirring constantly, heat over medium heat until a dough ball forms (the dough will start pulling away from the sides of the pot). Knead dough until the texture matches that of play dough (1-2 minutes). Separate into balls and knead in food coloring to achieve desired colors. Store in a plastic container.
You can also use unsweetened Kool-Aid powder to add color and scent and glitter although I have not tried either of these variations.
The recipe says that it should last about 3 months, but as we just made it, I can't attest to that just yet!
Happy Play Dough making!
Homemade Play Dough
3 c. flour
1 1/2 c. salt
6 tsp. cream of tarter (important for stabilizing the dough...find it in the spice section of your local store)
3 Tbsp. oil (vegetable oil)
3 c. water
food coloring
Mix all ingredients together in a large saucepan. Stirring constantly, heat over medium heat until a dough ball forms (the dough will start pulling away from the sides of the pot). Knead dough until the texture matches that of play dough (1-2 minutes). Separate into balls and knead in food coloring to achieve desired colors. Store in a plastic container.
You can also use unsweetened Kool-Aid powder to add color and scent and glitter although I have not tried either of these variations.
The recipe says that it should last about 3 months, but as we just made it, I can't attest to that just yet!
Happy Play Dough making!
Monday, July 9, 2012
On Feeling Productive
I am busy all day long, but at the end of the day I often feel as though I was very unproductive. There seems to be very little time in the day to get anything tangible done like cleaning, cooking, personal care, laundry or things that I enjoy like exercising, blogging and keeping in touch with friends and family. I spend time with my children when they are awake which is absolutely what I want to be doing, but there are days when I find myself getting frustrated that I am not checking anything off of my mental to-do list nor am I finding time to pursue my own interests.
I recently read an article about the challenges of feeling productive as a stay-at-home mom and it really struck a cord with me and made me realize that I needed to start thinking about and approaching my days in a different way. The article talked about the importance of defining what you view as progress, setting realistic goals for yourself, keeping your phase of life in mind when setting goals and defining progress, and increasing your self-discipline and making sure you are prioritizing.
I like a clean house so I easily start to feel frustrated when the laundry starts to pile up and too much time has passed since I last cleaned my bathroom or kitchen. I decided that I needed to start setting manageable, daily goals in this area in order to feel like I was progressing. Cleaning the entire apartment and getting all of the laundry done at one time is just not realistic for me right now. At the beginning of the day, I now decide on a few manageable tasks that I would like to accomplish before going to bed (I usually don't get to them until after the kids are in bed). At the end of the week, I usually end up with a relatively clean apartment and my laundry pile is a manageable size which makes me feel successful.
I really wanted to start working out again, but it wasn't something that I was making a priority and it was another area that I felt I was not making progress in. It is impossible to find time during the day to exercise on my own so I decided to reorganize our day to incorporate exercise for myself and include the girls. We now head out the door with the double stroller almost every morning right after Charlotte's morning nap for a walk or a run. On the weekends, we go out as a family and run or walk. This not only makes me feel better about myself, but I think it makes me a better mom because I am able to release stress and tension and I am setting an example for my children while showing them the importance of fitness and that it is an activity that can be enjoyable. I am feeling great and the girls seem to be enjoying themselves too. Lilah will even occasionally ask me if she can get out and run which I of course let her do because I think it is just awesome that she is expressing an interest in joining me in an activity that I enjoy and that is good for both of us. (As a side note, we are planning on doing a 5K Fun Run this weekend as a family)!
I still haven't been able to spend as much time doing other activities that I enjoy, but I am getting better making them more of a priority and incorporating them into my schedule. A big part of this has been increasing my self-discipline and making sure I am making the best of the time I do have to do the things I enjoy because I can easily get sucked into a television show that I don't need to be watching or mindlessly surf the Internet.
I really wanted to start working out again, but it wasn't something that I was making a priority and it was another area that I felt I was not making progress in. It is impossible to find time during the day to exercise on my own so I decided to reorganize our day to incorporate exercise for myself and include the girls. We now head out the door with the double stroller almost every morning right after Charlotte's morning nap for a walk or a run. On the weekends, we go out as a family and run or walk. This not only makes me feel better about myself, but I think it makes me a better mom because I am able to release stress and tension and I am setting an example for my children while showing them the importance of fitness and that it is an activity that can be enjoyable. I am feeling great and the girls seem to be enjoying themselves too. Lilah will even occasionally ask me if she can get out and run which I of course let her do because I think it is just awesome that she is expressing an interest in joining me in an activity that I enjoy and that is good for both of us. (As a side note, we are planning on doing a 5K Fun Run this weekend as a family)!
I still haven't been able to spend as much time doing other activities that I enjoy, but I am getting better making them more of a priority and incorporating them into my schedule. A big part of this has been increasing my self-discipline and making sure I am making the best of the time I do have to do the things I enjoy because I can easily get sucked into a television show that I don't need to be watching or mindlessly surf the Internet.
Our schedule is constantly changing because Charlotte is still taking 3-4 naps a day at various times so I have to be pretty flexible at this point and accept that in this phase of my life, there are things that are not going to get done when I want them to and that I will be able to incorporate more of the things I like to do into my schedule when things become a little more predicable. For now, making small changes and setting small manageable goals for myself will help me to feel as though I am being productive and progressing in my life as a mother and an individual.
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