The Final Stages of Weaning

I am very proud to be able to say that I breastfed my daughter for the first 19 months of her life. I set out in the very beginning with the goal of reaching 18 months and luckily was able to achieve that goal without any complications. The length of time for which a mother decides to breastfeed is a very personal choice and there are a number of factors that go into making the decision to stop. Sadly, there are many mothers out there that would love to have breastfed for a longer period of time, but for whatever reason, were not able to. My heart goes out to those mothers and I applaud every mother that makes an attempt at breastfeeding regardless of how long they decide to do it for.

People have asked me what it was like to nurse an 18 month old, how I went about weaning, and whether weaning was a challenging experience. So, here goes…

Nursing an 18 months old…
I really think that the personality of the child has a huge impact on whether a mother can continue to breastfeed well into the second year of life. My daughter is a calm, cuddly child and was easy to breastfeed until 19 months. She was always gentle, never really begged for it or pulled on my clothing, and never really made it an issue. When I think about baby #2 and the possibility that it could be a rambunctious boy, I wonder if I will be able to nurse for as long.

The weaning process…
I was consistently nursing my daughter 3 times a day (morning, after nap, night). This had been our schedule for months and months and I was really worried about weaning as a result. My daughter always seemed very attached to nursing. After waking in the morning and from her nap, that would be the first and ONLY thing she wanted to do. If there was even the slightest bit of deviation from the routine, she would be get upset. In addition, I had never put her to bed at night without nursing her and worried that she would no longer go to bed easily. Needless to say, I was anxious about the whole weaning process. Let me just say, I had nothing to be anxious about because it was significantly easier than I ever expected it to be. Perhaps we were just both ready, but I was unwilling to admit that it was time for that particular aspect of our mother-daughter relationship to come to an end.

I decided to start by weaning my daughter from the after-nap nursing session as I thought this would be the easiest one to drop. Looking back, this was actually the most challenging one to get rid of. We happened to be staying with my parents at the time so I decided to have my mom get Lilah up from her nap for a few days while I stayed hidden until she seemed to be over the fact that I wasn’t going to nurse her. Our strategy was to get her a snack right away, something she really enjoyed, in an attempt to get her mind off of nursing. The first day was the hardest because she cried and asked for me and for milk, but my mom was able to distract her and she got over it in a relatively short period of time. The next couple of days were similar, but each day it seemed easier to distract her. By the fourth day, I was getting her up from her nap again and everything was fine. She did ask for it a few times and I simply told her that I didn’t have any milk for her and that she would have to wait until bedtime and this response seemed sufficient.

I had intended on keeping her morning and night feedings for several more weeks, but a few short weeks later, I inadvertently forgot to nurse her one night. About an hour after I had put her to bed, I realized that I had forgot and then realized that she didn’t ask for it, it didn’t take her any longer to fall asleep…nothing. I decided to run with it and just stopped feeding her at night. We had been giving her a cup of milk during bedtime stories for several weeks so nursing was more of a comfort thing than anything else. It almost made sense that she didn’t seem to care that it wasn’t happening anymore. Regardless. I really was very surprised that it was so easy.

I was convinced that getting rid of the morning feeding would be the hardest on both of us because we had a really nice routine of getting her out of her crib, bringing her to our room, nursing her and cuddling in bed for awhile before we had to get up for the day. I think I was the one that was dreading dropping this feeding because it would mean I would have to hop out of bed and get right to making breakfast rather than slowly waking up in bed. Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet and once again, was surprised at how easy it all was. My daughter didn’t really seem to care that I wasn’t nursing her anymore and was perfectly content to hang out for an hour or so before I gave her breakfast. One of the wonderful outcomes of dropping the morning feeding was that Lilah started to sleep longer. She had been waking around 6am for weeks and some mornings would be up even earlier than that. Once I dropped the morning feeding, she started sleeping longer and longer and for the past several weeks has consistently been sleeping until 7am or later. It may be a coincidence that she is sleeping longer, but I really think the two are at least somewhat related.

In the end, weaning was probably more difficult for me than it was for my daughter. I really think we were both ready for it even if one of us didn’t want to admit it…not mentioning any names. The pregnancy did play a role in speeding up the process, but it would have happened anyway. It was a sad day when I nursed her for the last time, but I will cherish the 19 months we did have for the rest of my life and I very much look forward to going through it all again in 6 months time!

Breastfeeding and Pregnancy

It is a well know fact (or it at least should be) that it is possible to conceive while breastfeeding. While it is true that you cannot get pregnant until your cycle resumes, it is impossible to know when that is going to happen.

Based on my experience, it seems to be a less-well-know-fact that you can continue to breastfeed throughout pregnancy if you so choose. As long as you are feeling well and there are no concerns on your physician’s end, there is nothing stopping you from breastfeeding throughout your entire pregnancy and beyond if you decide to tandem breastfeed after you deliver. I personally chose to fully wean my daughter by the end of my first trimester, but there really wasn’t any reason why I couldn’t have continued to nurse if I wanted.

My reasons for weaning my daughter were varied. I found the first few months of pregnancy to be extremely exhausting which I am sure was exaggerated by the fact that I was nursing. Toward to the end of the first trimester I started to find nursing to be quite uncomfortable (in fact, it vaguely started reminding me of the early days of engorgement…enough said). From the beginning, I had the goal of 18 months in mind when I started on my breastfeeding journey and around that time I started to feel like I was ready anyway despite being pregnant. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, I think I still would have made the decision to wean when I did. I am proud to say I made it to the 19 month mark and aim to do the same with second…I think.

Breastfeeding takes a huge amount of commitment. Breastfeeding during pregnancy requires something altogether different. Tandem nursing is in a realm that I can’t even wrap my head around. I am proud that I was able to nurse for as long as I did, but I could never imagine nursing with a burgeoning belly and most definitely couldn’t imagine nursing a toddler and a newborn at the same time! Some people do it and my hat goes off to them. I think it is sad that our society has put such a social stigma on breastfeeding beyond a certain age and that mothers who choose to tandem nurse are portrayed as complete wacko’s in social media. There was even a news story recently about a woman being kicked out of a public place for nursing. It completely boggles my mind how such an ‘advanced’ society can be so stupid and judgmental. Okay, now I am ranting…

I'M BACK!

It has been far too long since I last blogged, but life has been just a little crazy lately. I suppose I should get used to that because with baby # 2 on the way, it certainly isn’t going to get any less chaotic. Yes, you read that right…we are expecting our second child this February! We are overjoyed to have another baby on the way and excited about a sibling for our growing-up-faster-than-we-can-believe-it daughter.

In addition to being pregnant, we made a big move from Baltimore to Chicago this summer, I went through the process of fully weaning our daughter, and I dealt with the first death in my family. Needless to say, it has been a busy few months with little time to sit down and write. Now that we are settling in our new home and I am entering my second trimester, I am finding I have a little more time on my hands and a little more energy to sit down, think, and write. I am excited about getting back into the swing of blogging because I am sure there will be plenty to share about pregnancy, raising a toddler and life as a mother of two. Stay tuned!

First Potty Poop!

Lilah took her first poop on the toilet today! Yes, she is only 17 months old. No, I don't think it was a conscious choice. I just happened to catch her at the right moment and get her onto the toilet at just the right time. Is she going to let me know when she needs to poop from here on out...highly doubtful. Am I alright with that? ABSOLUTELY!

Toilet training is a process. When to start, which equipment to choose, which approach to take...the answers to these questions are going to be very different for every child and every family. You know your child best. The most important thing you can do is pay attention to the skills your child has and the cues that your child exhibits. Familiarize yourself with how your child learns best and base your decisions on that information. Remember to choose a non punitive approach, provide lots of support and encouragement and relax and enjoy the process.

When To Start

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "most children become physiologically ready for toilet training at around eighteen months of age—that is, their digestive system and bladder have matured to the point where they can delay a bowel movement or urination long enough to get to a potty." It is important to note, however, that children "are usually not cognitively ready—able to associate the need to eliminate with potty use, to remember to use it, and to resist distraction long enough to complete the process—until sometime after their second birthday."

Armed with this information, I decided it couldn't hurt to get a child toilet seat and at least start to get Lilah used to the whole idea of toilet training. She was very excited when it arrived and was eager to use her new Elmo step stool to get up onto the toilet. For several weeks, I have been letting her sit on it when she has shown interest and we have also been trying to get into the routine of using it before her bath! More recently, there have been a few occasions when I have been able to 'catch her' just as she is about to have a bowel movement. Before today, putting her on the seat has been unsuccessful. Regardless, we talk about telling Mommy when you need to poop so that we can poop in the toilet instead of in the diaper. Eventually she will catch on.

Choosing a Potty

I opted to go the step stool/child seat that goes directly on the toilet route. Choosing whether to use a potty chair or a child seat is definitely a personal choice. I don't believe there is any evidence out there that suggests one works better than the other. Personally, I could not stand the idea of having to dump out and clean a potty every time my child went to the toilet! Gross! I would rather be able to just pull the flush! That being said, there are a number of factor to consider when deciding which option is right for you.

I went with the Baby Bjorn toilet trainer. http://www.babybjorn.com/us/products/bathroom/toilet-trainer/toilet-trainer/.
It fits snugly and securely onto the toilet seat and the opening is the perfect size (even for my daughter's tiny little bottom). It has a small rubber handle on the back making it easy to hang on a potty hook.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4020541

The Process of Toilet Training

I am fully aware that this process is going to take a long time and I am most definitely not in a rush. I fear that far too many children experience unnecessary pressure when it comes to toilet training and end up having very negative experiences which may or may not delay the process and/or affect their development.

I know that I am beginning the process of toilet training very early by most standards, but my intentions at this point are not to have Lilah fully toilet trained anytime in the near future. Right now, it is just about getting her used to the equipment, familiarizing her with the process, and talking and reading about it. My job as a parent is to keep my eyes open for the signs that she is ready. For now, we are taking things one step at a time...it will happen when it happens.

One final point...

A girl has a vagina. A boys has a penis. Poop comes out of our bum and pee comes out of our vagina or penis. Start your children off on the right track by giving body parts and bodily functions their proper name. One of my biggest pet peeves is when parents don't do this!

Happy toilet training!

For more information on toilet training go visit HealthyChildren.org: (http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/default.aspx)

Practicing for the Doctor: It just might work!

Lilah's 12 month doctor's appointment was a bit of a challenge. She started crying as soon as we put her up on the table for the nurse to weigh and measure her and take her temperature. The crying continued and then increased when it came time for the needles and she didn't really stop until we left the office.

Needless to say, I was very motivated to do what I could to prevent the situation from happening again. The last thing I want is for my daughter to develop a fear and hatred for the doctor. I asked around for some advice and a friend suggested buying a book about visiting the doctor.

We went out the next day and bought a book about going to the doctor and started reading it on a regular basis. A few weeks later, Lilah's grandparents bought her a doctor's kit and we stared playing with kit while reading the book. Lilah quickly came to understand the names for the instruments and how to use them. We played with a stethoscope, thermometer, needle, and ear/eye/throat light to name but a few. We had also put a height chart on the wall and talked about it as we went through the story as well (even though the doctor does not yet measure her height on a chart).

Our 15 month appointment we much more successful that the previous visit. There were still a few tears and some fussing, but significantly less than before. We took the book and doctor's kit with us and pulled out the instruments and looked at the appropriate pages of the book before each step of the appointment. I really can't say for sure whether it was the 'practice' or simply that Lilah was having a better day and/or had matured since the last appointment that made the visit better. In my opinion, it doesn't really matter. Even if the book and the kit made no difference, we had a lot of fun playing with it (and still do) and I am positive that Lilah learned a thing or two along the way.

Some tips for making your appointments more successful:

1) Talk about the upcoming appointment the day before and/or on the day of the visit (talking about it any earlier could actually increase anxiety).

2) Read a book about what to expect at the visit.

3) Act out what to expect using a doll and/or a doctor's kit.

4) Let your child take something special to the appointment (toy/blanket) for comfort.

5) Ask the doctor to 'examine' you or your child's doll before examining your child.

6) Talk about the fun parts of the visit (toys in the waiting room, sticker/book prizes).

7) Be honest about the hard parts of the visit (ie. needles). Tell your child that it will hurt for a few seconds.

8) Distract your child while the needles are being given.

9) Provide a lot of praise after the appointment!

Good luck!

Road Trip: Part 2

Well, there really isn't much to say...the drive back to Baltimore was almost as easy and enjoyable as the drive to Ontario. Given how smoothly the initial trip went, we didn't want to change anything (don't fix what isn't broken). However, we did leave 2 hours earlier (7am vs. 9am) which put us home for dinner which was nice and we stopped less often (2X vs. 4X). It did take Lilah a little longer to fall asleep and she didn't sleep for as long (2 hours), but she was content throughout the journey. In the end, we arrived safely in Baltimore after 9.5 hours of driving.

I was so worried before we embarked on this journey that it would be a torturous 10 hours (or longer). I really should have given Lilah more credit from the get-go. She was a trooper and apparently she is a wonderful traveler. Looking back on the past year, we really could have saved ourselves some money on airfare had we had the courage it give the road trip a try. On the other hand, doing it when she was younger may have been less of a success.

Just as we discover that Lilah travels long distances well in a car, we will be getting rid of our car when we make our move to Chicago in a few short months. Our new mode of transportation will be the train. It will be a new adventure for Lilah and a more relaxing commute for my husband and I (hopefully). It will be interesting to say the least and I will be sure to post on the subject in the near future.

Road Trip: Part 1

We made the 9.5 hour drive from where we currently live in Maryland, USA to Ontario, Canada this past week. I really didn't know what to expect from Lilah, but was mentally preparing myself for it to be a LONG, challenging journey. Lilah has never had to travel any great distance in the car. I think the longest trip we have taken in the last year or so was about two hours. Anyway, I couldn't have been more wrong about how she would act! She was fantastic for the entire trip!

We debated for a long time about WHEN to do the driving. At first we thought getting in the car right before bedtime would be the best because she would hopefully sleep the entire way. We ultimately decided, however, to drive during the day because we thought it would nice for her to have time to settle down after the long journey, get used to her surroundings and then have a good, uninterrupted sleep.

I should mention that we used Lilah's infant car seat for this trip. She has always been pretty happy with her infant seat. It was only when we recently started using a new seat that she started to put up a fuss about being in the car. She is just barely under the height limit for her infant seat so we decided that we would use it for this trip because we knew she would be happier sitting in it. The next time we make the trip, she will have no choice but to sit in her new seat and my hope is that after she gets used to it and forgets about her infant seat, she will be content to ride in it.

Anyway, we started off the day by visiting the doctor for Lilah's 15 month needles. We hadn't really planned on this being a part of our adventure, but it may have helped in that it might have made Lilah a little more sleepy than usual. On the other hand, it could have totally blew up in our faces if she had developed a fever or had some kind of adverse reaction to the immunizations which apparently is more common with this round of shots.

We hit the road at about 9:00am and were able to drive for about 3 hours before making a stop. During this time, we read stories, played with a few favourite toys, watched a couple of Elmo episodes, had our morning snack and lunch. We stopped right before it was time for Lilah to take a nap so that she could stretch her legs and have a diaper change. It was a brief stop (~15 minutes) and we were back on the road. Lilah didn't fuss even a bit about getting back in her seat which really surprised me.

She fell asleep pretty bang on to her normal nap time and slept for a solid 2.5 hours which was FANTASTIC! That is a little longer than is typical for her and may have been a result of the immunizations. Whatever the reason, it was welcomed!

When she had fully woken up from her nap, we stopped for the second time (we had been in the car for close to 3 hours). It was another quick stop to nurse, stretch and change her diaper and again, there wasn't a single complaint about getting back in the seat.

We ended up making two more very brief stops (Duty Free, dirty diaper change) and were at our destination in just under 9.5 hours (the typical drive time). Lilah was happy as a clam through the very last agonizing minutes of the journey. I was so pleasantly surprised that it went so smoothly.

Things that worked for us:

1) I sat in the back seat with Lilah for the duration of the trip.
2) I packed a few favourite toys and lots of books (the toys/books that Lilah seemed particularly interested in in the days leading up to the trip.) We also took our labtop computer and a few of Lilah's favourite videos and several of her Cd's.
3) I packed lots of food for the journey (fresh fruit, yogurt, egg salad sandwiches, raisins, cookies, goldfish, cheerios, milk, water, juice.)
4) We had screens on the windows in the back seat to block out the sun and an extra blanket to drape over the car seat while she slept so it was a little darker.
5) I took her favourite blanket and a few of the toys she has in her crib for nap time.
6) We kept everything as close to our regular schedule/routine as possible (IE. snacks/meals/nap/nursing were all at their usual time.)

Hope this helps those of you planning road trips this coming summer! Think positively and happy travels!