The Transition to Self-Feeding

A typical day in the life of a mother of a 'learning to self-feed toddler' looks a little something like this...

Breakfast - 8:00am - There are bits of food covering the dining room floor, the table and chairs, my clothes and every inch of my daughter.

Snack -10:00am - There are bits of food covering the dining room floor, the table and chairs, my clothes and every inch of my daughter.

Lunch - 11:30am - There are bits of food covering the dining room floor, the table and chairs, my clothes and every inch of my daughter.

Snack - 3:00pm - There are bits of food covering the dining room floor, the table and chairs, my clothes and every inch of my daughter.

Dinner - 5:30pm - There are bits of food covering the dining room floor, the table and chairs, my clothes and every inch of my daughter.

You get the general idea.

After each sitting, it will take me about 10 trips to the sink and rinses of the washcloth and a change of clothes (and perhaps a bath) to clean up my daughter and another 10 trips to the sink and rinses of the washcloth and a broom to clean up the rest of the mess. No wonder my hands are so dried out that my fingers tips are cracking! I suppose I could wear rubber gloves, but who wants to walk around wearing rubber gloves all day (as there really would be no point in taking them off.)

I have made this transition sound a lot worse than it actually is. In all honesty, it is a lot of fun wathcing my daughter learn how to handle a spoon. As with anything in life, practice makes perfect! She now knows how to scoop her food out of her dish and get the spoon into her mouth. The spoon is often upside down by the time it reaches her mouth and the contents in her lap, but at least she is trying and getting better at it each day! I have found baby sign language to be very helpful when it comes to mealtimes. Lilah can tell us when she wants more (and say please) and when she is done (although she often resorts to the "throwing food on the floor" technique to let us know she is done when she doesn't feel like signing.)

That being said, the transition doesn't come without frustration. One of the forces driving the desire to self-feed is increasing independence. Translation: "I don't want your help anymore so don't even try it or I will just get upset and do everything in my power to block my mouth in an effort to prevent you from putting anything in it!" I often worry that my daughter isn't getting enough to eat. I have to keep telling myself over and over again: "She will eat when she is hungry. If she doesn't eat much at this meal or today, she will make up for it at the next meal or tomorrow."

It is also frustrating when I work hard to prepare something for her to eat only to have her reject it completely or mush into oblivion such that it has to be thrown out. I hate to waste so I often end up eating what she doesn't (unless it has been mushed into oblivion) which I always told myself I would never do because I thought it was disgusting when other people did it. (I will have to stop that little habit eventually because I remember reading somewhere that mothers often gain weight when they eat what their child doesn't in addition to their own food.)

As with any transition, this one is gradual. You really have to be on your toes and be willing to try a number of different techniques (or tricks) to get that food where it needs to go. Some days Lilah will happily let me shovel food into her mouth. On others she will be fine with me loading the spoon, but she will want to put it into her mouth. On others she will want the spoon and the bowl all to herself and will not accept any assistance whatsoever. Similariy, a trick will work one day, but not the next and then eventually not at all. It used to be the case that if we put a piece of cheese or pasta on top of whatever was on the spoon, Lilah would gladly let us spoon feed her. Now, she insists on putting the cheese or pasta on the spoon herself. Before long, she will want to do it all herself.

Before long, Lilah will be happily feeding herself AND getting almost everything into her mouth. Eventually there will be less of a mess to clean up and we won't require a change of clothes after every meal. Until then, I need to stay calm and enjoy the ride.