Sharing is a Meaningless Word to a One-Year Old

As adults, we understand that other people have thoughts and feelings and that those thoughts and feelings differ from our own. As a result, we are capable of interacting with others in successful and acceptable ways (ie. we know how to share, help and cooperate.)

Toddlers in their second year of life, however, live in a very egocentric world. They know that other people exist, but they are at the center of the world. Sharing is a completely meaningless word to them. Developmentally, they can't understand what it means to share with another person.

We are very lucky to be part of a play group in which the adults recognize that sharing is very challenging for the children. We all model and encourage sharing, but know that it is a concept they are not able to truly grasp. We know that we can't referee every interaction and that there will be tears on some occasions. I believe that letting children play and learn how to play without constant parental involvement is really important. On some level, even at this young age, I think we are teaching them to learn how to resolve conflicts on their own and treat other children the way they would like to be treated.

If you are part of a play group in which the children are struggling with sharing, here are a few tips that can make play time more enjoyable for all parties involved:

1) Provide plenty of toys for everyone and be prepared to referee at times.

2) If the play group is taking place in your home, recognize that children at this age may start to show possessiveness over toys that she knows belong to her. She may get very upset when another child even touches on of her toys. It is important to try to reassure her that the other child is “only looking at it” and that “it’s okay for him to have a turn with it.” You should also acknowledge that “Yes, it’s your toy" so that your child doesn't feel as though her toys are being taken away. You may even want to consider putting a few special toys aside that are off-limits to the others to help your toddler feel they have some control over their world.

The bottom line is, make sure you and your child are having fun and that all play experiences are as positive as they can possibly be taking where your child is developmentally into consideration. There is nothing more uncomfortable than interacting with other parents that expect more developmentally from their children than they should and/or try to exert more control over the play situation than they need to. The result of this kind of parenting is a tense and less than enjoyable play experience for all of the adults and children involved.

Happy playing!