It is an amazing experience to watch your children grown into unique individuals. They were created by the same two parents, but have entirely different personalities and develop in such different ways.
One of the most wonderful things to watch is the impact that an older sibling has on the development of a second child. I realize how an older sibling impacts a second child varies in a million different ways, but in our house I believe the impact is an incredibly positive one. It is impossible to know what can and can not be attributed to the presence of an older sibling, but here are some of the observations I have made and believe are a result of having a fabulous older sibling.
Language Development
Charlotte has a fabulous vocabulary for a 16 -month old toddler. I don't want be "one of those moms", but when we were at her 15-month well-check up, our physician was extremely impressed with the number of words she could produce. I really and truly did not exaggerate on the form - what is the point in that? Perhaps Charlotte would have developed her impressive vocabulary even without a sibling, but I am more inclined to think that Lilah is a big reason Charlotte can produce so many words. We are constantly talking to one another in our house and Charlotte is almost always a part of those conversations. We also read a ton of books. There was a time when I was feeling guilty because I wasn't reading to Charlotte as much as I did to Lilah when she was young simply because time did not afford it. Seeing how much she LOVES books and reading has reassured me that the culture of reading and the importance of developing a love for it has been passed on to her despite less one-on-one reading time.
Pretend Play
I don't really remember when Lilah started engaging in pretend play, but I am fairly sure it was not at the young age that Charlotte has started to. I chuckled every time I see my girls crawling around on the floor together pretending to be dogs or horses. They even go so far as to put their snacks on the floor so they can eat them like a dog or horse would. It is really interesting to me that Charlotte engages in the pretend play side-by-side with Lilah and will even pretend when Lilah isn't around.
Social Development
It seems like a no-brainer that having a sibling would affect social development (in one way or another). Perhaps Charlotte is just a particularly social child, but she is so much more outgoing, affectionate towards other people and just generally social than Lilah was or is. I know there are a slew of factors that affect social development, but I am sure having an older sibling is one of them.
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Rough Housing
Okay, so I said back in May that I was going to write on this blog a little more often and just like that another month and a half passes me by! To my credit, we are in the middle of an overseas move and I have been consumed with getting our apartment ready to be packed up, finding a place to live and being a full-time mom to my two active children.
I just wanted to write a quick blog to share how funny I think it is that my girls have started rough housing with each other (Charlotte - 16 months, Lilah 3 1/2 years). About a month ago as I was sitting at the computer dealing with something or other related to the move, I heard giggling behind me on the couch. I turned to find the two of the them climbing on top of one another and rolling around on the couch having the greatest time. The rough housing requires some supervision because Lilah forgets at times how much stronger she is than Charlotte and that she could actually hurt her pretty easily. That being said, Charlotte is a sturdy little toddler and can hold her ground pretty well. I feel like a referee, but I would rather do that to prevent injury than put an end to the fun and games because they just have so much fun doing it! It is a rare thing that they play "together" at something and I want to foster that - even if it is rough housing. There is nothing wrong with a little gentle physical contact and who said rough housing was only for boys anyway?
Stay tuned as I try to do a little backtracking to recap some of the things I have missed writing about over the past year!
I just wanted to write a quick blog to share how funny I think it is that my girls have started rough housing with each other (Charlotte - 16 months, Lilah 3 1/2 years). About a month ago as I was sitting at the computer dealing with something or other related to the move, I heard giggling behind me on the couch. I turned to find the two of the them climbing on top of one another and rolling around on the couch having the greatest time. The rough housing requires some supervision because Lilah forgets at times how much stronger she is than Charlotte and that she could actually hurt her pretty easily. That being said, Charlotte is a sturdy little toddler and can hold her ground pretty well. I feel like a referee, but I would rather do that to prevent injury than put an end to the fun and games because they just have so much fun doing it! It is a rare thing that they play "together" at something and I want to foster that - even if it is rough housing. There is nothing wrong with a little gentle physical contact and who said rough housing was only for boys anyway?
Stay tuned as I try to do a little backtracking to recap some of the things I have missed writing about over the past year!
Thursday, May 30, 2013
In the Blink of an Eye
Just like that - almost an entire year has passed since I last wrote on this blog. This dormant period was the result of a number of things - very little time to sit and write with two kids at home, spending more time focusing on our private family blog and a food blog I started and the busyness of life in general. I don't think writing on this blog will ever be as regular as it once was, but there are things that I want to document, remember and share so stay tuned as Mastering the Art of Motherhood awakens!
Friday, August 17, 2012
Sleep Teaching
For the past few months, I had spending a significant chunk of my day rocking Charlotte to sleep for her 3-4 naps and at bedtime. While I absolutely loved to cuddle her and had been fully enjoying (for the most part) these special moments we had together, the time had come for her to learn how to fall asleep on her own in her crib (she was 5 months old).
How did I know this?
1) My motherly instincts told me she was ready (always trust your instincts).
2) She was getting so strong that when I was rocking her it felt as though I was fighting against her to keep her from squirming out of my arms. She had also taken to sleeping on her stomach and when I was holding her it seemed as though she was trying to wiggle herself into that position which doesn't really work when someone is holding onto you.
There are other more practical reasons as well.
The only way I could get Lilah to remain quiet and out of my hair for long enough to get Charlotte to sleep was to have her watch television and I was unhappy with the amount of television she had been watching as a result. Occasionally, Lilah's shows were not distraction enough. My frustration level would reach it's peak when I had been rocking Charlotte for ages and Lilah burst into the room just as she nodded off and woke her again. Before I blew my top, I needed to take action!
I am using the term "sleep teaching" because I dislike "sleep training". To teach is to "cause to know", "guide the studies of", impart the knowledge". To train is to "form by instruction, discipline, or drill". I am doing what we as teachers do in the classroom; provide support and reassurance, tailor our teaching to the individual child, exercise flexibility and make necessary changes to the lesson along the way if necessary (as an aside, I am a teacher trained to teach Kindergarten through 6th grade).
My Approach (My approach is not really rocket science and I most certainly did not invent it. Versions of it can be found in many books on sleep.)
Step 1: Nurse (Charlotte does not always want to nurse before she naps so this is not a necessary step).
Step 2: Sit in the rocking chair (where I previously rocked her to sleep) and read stories.
Step 3: Give Charlotte a little cuddle and a kiss and put her in her bed.
Step 4: In the beginning, I was staying in the room near her bedside placing my hands on her for comfort and shushing her when necessary. Gradually, I began leaving her bedside, but stayed in the room (sitting in the rocking chair beside her crib or doing odd, quiet jobs around the room) so that I could reassure her when she needed it. We are now at the point where staying in the room is not always necessary and is even sometimes counterproductive so I frequently leave and return only when she needs reassurance.
I am not a supporter of the cry-it-out approach whereby you leave your child alone until they fall asleep no matter how long it takes. However, I believe some crying is acceptable and even necessary in order for children to learn to fall asleep on their own. After all, crying is one of the strategies that babies use to shut out the world around them so that they are able to fall asleep. I have found with both of my girls that after a few attempts at teaching them to fall asleep on their own, I have been able to really quickly figure out which cries are the "I am trying to fall asleep" cries and which ones are the "I need you" cries. I don't hesitate for even one second to return to the room when I hear the "I need you" cries and give a cuddle or whatever kind of support is necessary even if it means taking them out of the crib, giving them a break and starting the whole process over again after a little time has passed.
Anyway, it actually ended up being really pretty easy (which reassures me that she was ready). We have been at it for a few weeks now and she has put herself to sleep for almost every nap and at night from the first attempt. The length of time for which she cries varies (sometimes there is no crying at all) and is very much related to how tired (or not tired) she is. It never takes more than 15 or 20 minutes for her to fall asleep and if she is still awake after 30 minutes, I get her up and we try again a little later. Lilah has been watching less television which is great and I think we are all better for making this change.
I was hoping that teaching her to fall asleep on her own would help with her frequent night wakings as well in that she would be able to put herself back to sleep rather then needing to be nursed back to sleep. Just this week, we have started to see that and she now sleeps for about 6 hours before waking to nurse and then has a couple of 2-3 hour stretches before waking for the day. She still occasionally wakes before her first feeding, but she only fusses for a few minutes before going back to sleep on her own. Now that is progress!
How did I know this?
1) My motherly instincts told me she was ready (always trust your instincts).
2) She was getting so strong that when I was rocking her it felt as though I was fighting against her to keep her from squirming out of my arms. She had also taken to sleeping on her stomach and when I was holding her it seemed as though she was trying to wiggle herself into that position which doesn't really work when someone is holding onto you.
There are other more practical reasons as well.
The only way I could get Lilah to remain quiet and out of my hair for long enough to get Charlotte to sleep was to have her watch television and I was unhappy with the amount of television she had been watching as a result. Occasionally, Lilah's shows were not distraction enough. My frustration level would reach it's peak when I had been rocking Charlotte for ages and Lilah burst into the room just as she nodded off and woke her again. Before I blew my top, I needed to take action!
I am using the term "sleep teaching" because I dislike "sleep training". To teach is to "cause to know", "guide the studies of", impart the knowledge". To train is to "form by instruction, discipline, or drill". I am doing what we as teachers do in the classroom; provide support and reassurance, tailor our teaching to the individual child, exercise flexibility and make necessary changes to the lesson along the way if necessary (as an aside, I am a teacher trained to teach Kindergarten through 6th grade).
My Approach (My approach is not really rocket science and I most certainly did not invent it. Versions of it can be found in many books on sleep.)
Step 1: Nurse (Charlotte does not always want to nurse before she naps so this is not a necessary step).
Step 2: Sit in the rocking chair (where I previously rocked her to sleep) and read stories.
Step 3: Give Charlotte a little cuddle and a kiss and put her in her bed.
Step 4: In the beginning, I was staying in the room near her bedside placing my hands on her for comfort and shushing her when necessary. Gradually, I began leaving her bedside, but stayed in the room (sitting in the rocking chair beside her crib or doing odd, quiet jobs around the room) so that I could reassure her when she needed it. We are now at the point where staying in the room is not always necessary and is even sometimes counterproductive so I frequently leave and return only when she needs reassurance.
I am not a supporter of the cry-it-out approach whereby you leave your child alone until they fall asleep no matter how long it takes. However, I believe some crying is acceptable and even necessary in order for children to learn to fall asleep on their own. After all, crying is one of the strategies that babies use to shut out the world around them so that they are able to fall asleep. I have found with both of my girls that after a few attempts at teaching them to fall asleep on their own, I have been able to really quickly figure out which cries are the "I am trying to fall asleep" cries and which ones are the "I need you" cries. I don't hesitate for even one second to return to the room when I hear the "I need you" cries and give a cuddle or whatever kind of support is necessary even if it means taking them out of the crib, giving them a break and starting the whole process over again after a little time has passed.
Anyway, it actually ended up being really pretty easy (which reassures me that she was ready). We have been at it for a few weeks now and she has put herself to sleep for almost every nap and at night from the first attempt. The length of time for which she cries varies (sometimes there is no crying at all) and is very much related to how tired (or not tired) she is. It never takes more than 15 or 20 minutes for her to fall asleep and if she is still awake after 30 minutes, I get her up and we try again a little later. Lilah has been watching less television which is great and I think we are all better for making this change.
I was hoping that teaching her to fall asleep on her own would help with her frequent night wakings as well in that she would be able to put herself back to sleep rather then needing to be nursed back to sleep. Just this week, we have started to see that and she now sleeps for about 6 hours before waking to nurse and then has a couple of 2-3 hour stretches before waking for the day. She still occasionally wakes before her first feeding, but she only fusses for a few minutes before going back to sleep on her own. Now that is progress!
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
A Few Months Later...
I had a little chuckle as I read my Charlotte is a Sleeper post from a few months ago. My how things can change so quickly when you have a baby. I think it is humorous that just as you start to feel like you have a good thing going, they (they being the babies) throw you a curve ball. Perhaps it is just their way of keeping us on our toes, from getting too comfortable and from feeling like we have some semblance of a routine and order.
About 2 months ago everything went down the tubes as far as Charlotte's sleeping goes (well, I shouldn't say it all went down the tubes because she was still sleeping well during the day). She suddenly started waking more often in the night (like every 2-3 hours). Gone were the days when I would get three solid stretches out of her and gone were the days when I woke up feeling rested!
For the past two months, I have been blaming/hoping it was teething. If it was teething, my thought was that she would start sleeping well again once it/they came through the gum. Alas, teeth have yet to appear and it is getting harder to convince myself that teething is causing the frequent night wakings.
It has been two and a half years since we were in this place with Lilah. Most of her early milestones seem like they happened a lifetime ago, but the sleep deprivation seems like it was just yesterday.
If I include the sleep deprivation I experienced while pregnant with Lilah, I have now been sleep deprived for over 3 years. I suppose a few more months isn't going kill me (because Charlotte WILL be sleeping through the night LONG before she turns a year old...stay tuned for the post I write next March complaining that she isn't.). The best laid plans...
*On the bright side...Charlotte does go to sleep every night by 7pm so we at least still have that piece in place!
*In addition we have been working really hard on teaching her to fall asleep on her own in her crib and the hope is that it will help her be able to put herself to sleep at night when she wakes. It actually happened last night so I am very hopeful. More to come on this soon!
About 2 months ago everything went down the tubes as far as Charlotte's sleeping goes (well, I shouldn't say it all went down the tubes because she was still sleeping well during the day). She suddenly started waking more often in the night (like every 2-3 hours). Gone were the days when I would get three solid stretches out of her and gone were the days when I woke up feeling rested!
For the past two months, I have been blaming/hoping it was teething. If it was teething, my thought was that she would start sleeping well again once it/they came through the gum. Alas, teeth have yet to appear and it is getting harder to convince myself that teething is causing the frequent night wakings.
It has been two and a half years since we were in this place with Lilah. Most of her early milestones seem like they happened a lifetime ago, but the sleep deprivation seems like it was just yesterday.
If I include the sleep deprivation I experienced while pregnant with Lilah, I have now been sleep deprived for over 3 years. I suppose a few more months isn't going kill me (because Charlotte WILL be sleeping through the night LONG before she turns a year old...stay tuned for the post I write next March complaining that she isn't.). The best laid plans...
*On the bright side...Charlotte does go to sleep every night by 7pm so we at least still have that piece in place!
*In addition we have been working really hard on teaching her to fall asleep on her own in her crib and the hope is that it will help her be able to put herself to sleep at night when she wakes. It actually happened last night so I am very hopeful. More to come on this soon!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Homemade Play Dough
Up to this point, we have been buying brand name Play Doh for my daughter because it was just easier (or so I thought). Today I decided we would try to make some together and it turns out it is incredibly easy and a lot of fun to make! Here is the recipe we used...
Homemade Play Dough
3 c. flour
1 1/2 c. salt
6 tsp. cream of tarter (important for stabilizing the dough...find it in the spice section of your local store)
3 Tbsp. oil (vegetable oil)
3 c. water
food coloring
Mix all ingredients together in a large saucepan. Stirring constantly, heat over medium heat until a dough ball forms (the dough will start pulling away from the sides of the pot). Knead dough until the texture matches that of play dough (1-2 minutes). Separate into balls and knead in food coloring to achieve desired colors. Store in a plastic container.
You can also use unsweetened Kool-Aid powder to add color and scent and glitter although I have not tried either of these variations.
The recipe says that it should last about 3 months, but as we just made it, I can't attest to that just yet!
Happy Play Dough making!
Homemade Play Dough
3 c. flour
1 1/2 c. salt
6 tsp. cream of tarter (important for stabilizing the dough...find it in the spice section of your local store)
3 Tbsp. oil (vegetable oil)
3 c. water
food coloring
Mix all ingredients together in a large saucepan. Stirring constantly, heat over medium heat until a dough ball forms (the dough will start pulling away from the sides of the pot). Knead dough until the texture matches that of play dough (1-2 minutes). Separate into balls and knead in food coloring to achieve desired colors. Store in a plastic container.
You can also use unsweetened Kool-Aid powder to add color and scent and glitter although I have not tried either of these variations.
The recipe says that it should last about 3 months, but as we just made it, I can't attest to that just yet!
Happy Play Dough making!
Monday, July 9, 2012
On Feeling Productive
I am busy all day long, but at the end of the day I often feel as though I was very unproductive. There seems to be very little time in the day to get anything tangible done like cleaning, cooking, personal care, laundry or things that I enjoy like exercising, blogging and keeping in touch with friends and family. I spend time with my children when they are awake which is absolutely what I want to be doing, but there are days when I find myself getting frustrated that I am not checking anything off of my mental to-do list nor am I finding time to pursue my own interests.
I recently read an article about the challenges of feeling productive as a stay-at-home mom and it really struck a cord with me and made me realize that I needed to start thinking about and approaching my days in a different way. The article talked about the importance of defining what you view as progress, setting realistic goals for yourself, keeping your phase of life in mind when setting goals and defining progress, and increasing your self-discipline and making sure you are prioritizing.
I like a clean house so I easily start to feel frustrated when the laundry starts to pile up and too much time has passed since I last cleaned my bathroom or kitchen. I decided that I needed to start setting manageable, daily goals in this area in order to feel like I was progressing. Cleaning the entire apartment and getting all of the laundry done at one time is just not realistic for me right now. At the beginning of the day, I now decide on a few manageable tasks that I would like to accomplish before going to bed (I usually don't get to them until after the kids are in bed). At the end of the week, I usually end up with a relatively clean apartment and my laundry pile is a manageable size which makes me feel successful.
I really wanted to start working out again, but it wasn't something that I was making a priority and it was another area that I felt I was not making progress in. It is impossible to find time during the day to exercise on my own so I decided to reorganize our day to incorporate exercise for myself and include the girls. We now head out the door with the double stroller almost every morning right after Charlotte's morning nap for a walk or a run. On the weekends, we go out as a family and run or walk. This not only makes me feel better about myself, but I think it makes me a better mom because I am able to release stress and tension and I am setting an example for my children while showing them the importance of fitness and that it is an activity that can be enjoyable. I am feeling great and the girls seem to be enjoying themselves too. Lilah will even occasionally ask me if she can get out and run which I of course let her do because I think it is just awesome that she is expressing an interest in joining me in an activity that I enjoy and that is good for both of us. (As a side note, we are planning on doing a 5K Fun Run this weekend as a family)!
I still haven't been able to spend as much time doing other activities that I enjoy, but I am getting better making them more of a priority and incorporating them into my schedule. A big part of this has been increasing my self-discipline and making sure I am making the best of the time I do have to do the things I enjoy because I can easily get sucked into a television show that I don't need to be watching or mindlessly surf the Internet.
I really wanted to start working out again, but it wasn't something that I was making a priority and it was another area that I felt I was not making progress in. It is impossible to find time during the day to exercise on my own so I decided to reorganize our day to incorporate exercise for myself and include the girls. We now head out the door with the double stroller almost every morning right after Charlotte's morning nap for a walk or a run. On the weekends, we go out as a family and run or walk. This not only makes me feel better about myself, but I think it makes me a better mom because I am able to release stress and tension and I am setting an example for my children while showing them the importance of fitness and that it is an activity that can be enjoyable. I am feeling great and the girls seem to be enjoying themselves too. Lilah will even occasionally ask me if she can get out and run which I of course let her do because I think it is just awesome that she is expressing an interest in joining me in an activity that I enjoy and that is good for both of us. (As a side note, we are planning on doing a 5K Fun Run this weekend as a family)!
I still haven't been able to spend as much time doing other activities that I enjoy, but I am getting better making them more of a priority and incorporating them into my schedule. A big part of this has been increasing my self-discipline and making sure I am making the best of the time I do have to do the things I enjoy because I can easily get sucked into a television show that I don't need to be watching or mindlessly surf the Internet.
Our schedule is constantly changing because Charlotte is still taking 3-4 naps a day at various times so I have to be pretty flexible at this point and accept that in this phase of my life, there are things that are not going to get done when I want them to and that I will be able to incorporate more of the things I like to do into my schedule when things become a little more predicable. For now, making small changes and setting small manageable goals for myself will help me to feel as though I am being productive and progressing in my life as a mother and an individual.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Charlotte is a Sleeper!
I haven't forgotten that Lilah didn't sleep through the night until after her 1st birthday or that it seemed like we were up all night trying to get her to go to sleep for the first few months.
I am thrilled that Charlotte (now 2 months) has been a great sleeper from day one. My experiences with Lilah had me preparing for 2 hour stretches of sleep at night (if I was lucky) for the first year or more. My dear, dear Charlotte is AMAZING! She goes to bed around the same time as Lilah (between 7 & 8pm) and sleeps until 6:30/7:00am, only waking twice to nurse.
I was very used to the 2-3 hour naps that Lilah now takes and was not looking forward to loosing that 'me' time when Charlotte was born. Luckily, one of Charlotte's naps usually overlaps with Lilah's so I still get a hour or so of quiet alone time (or time to cook and clean).
With Lilah, I dreaded each time she decided to drop a nap whether it was when she went from three naps to two or from two naps to one because I would get so used to the time I had to do what needed to be done or have some quiet time. Looking back, each change was for the better and actually made life a lot easier. With Charlotte, a napping pattern seems to be emerging and I think we are heading toward a three nap a day schedule. I actually can't wait until she is in a predictable two nap a day schedule and I know by that time I am going to be looking forward to a one nap a day schedule simply because it makes getting out and doing things so much easier!
As crazy as it sounds, I am actually looking forward to the day when Lilah drops her afternoon nap altogether (which, however, I am hoping is not going to be for a LONG time or at least until Charlotte is down to one nap as day) because it will be so nice to have that alone time with her while Charlotte is sleeping.
I don't know how much of Charlotte's great sleeping habits can be explained by parenting vs. her natural habits and cycles. Right from the beginning, I just naturally started nursing her in a quiet dark room around the same time as Lilah was going to bed which may be the reason that they go to bed at the same time. She gained weight really quickly in the beginning which may explain why she was sleeping for long stretches early on. Whatever the reasons, I am a happy, rested mommy and I have happy, rested BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL children (and a happy, rested Daddy too)!
I am thrilled that Charlotte (now 2 months) has been a great sleeper from day one. My experiences with Lilah had me preparing for 2 hour stretches of sleep at night (if I was lucky) for the first year or more. My dear, dear Charlotte is AMAZING! She goes to bed around the same time as Lilah (between 7 & 8pm) and sleeps until 6:30/7:00am, only waking twice to nurse.
I was very used to the 2-3 hour naps that Lilah now takes and was not looking forward to loosing that 'me' time when Charlotte was born. Luckily, one of Charlotte's naps usually overlaps with Lilah's so I still get a hour or so of quiet alone time (or time to cook and clean).
With Lilah, I dreaded each time she decided to drop a nap whether it was when she went from three naps to two or from two naps to one because I would get so used to the time I had to do what needed to be done or have some quiet time. Looking back, each change was for the better and actually made life a lot easier. With Charlotte, a napping pattern seems to be emerging and I think we are heading toward a three nap a day schedule. I actually can't wait until she is in a predictable two nap a day schedule and I know by that time I am going to be looking forward to a one nap a day schedule simply because it makes getting out and doing things so much easier!
As crazy as it sounds, I am actually looking forward to the day when Lilah drops her afternoon nap altogether (which, however, I am hoping is not going to be for a LONG time or at least until Charlotte is down to one nap as day) because it will be so nice to have that alone time with her while Charlotte is sleeping.
I don't know how much of Charlotte's great sleeping habits can be explained by parenting vs. her natural habits and cycles. Right from the beginning, I just naturally started nursing her in a quiet dark room around the same time as Lilah was going to bed which may be the reason that they go to bed at the same time. She gained weight really quickly in the beginning which may explain why she was sleeping for long stretches early on. Whatever the reasons, I am a happy, rested mommy and I have happy, rested BEAUTIFUL, WONDERFUL children (and a happy, rested Daddy too)!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Introducing A New Baby
We read books and talked about our new baby and being a big sister for months before Charlotte arrived in hopes that it would help prepare our 2-year old (Lilah) for the life-changing event that was about to occur.
I had built up images of a beautiful first-time meeting between the two when Lilah came to visit me in the hospital, Lilah being a wonderful little helper around the house and Lilah being totally smitten by her new sibling.
As I should have known, that isn't exactly how it was all going to happen...
Lilah came down with what we think was the flu the day I went into the hospital to be induced. Not only was she sick (which rarely happens), it was also the first time I had ever been away from her overnight. She was with my mom so I knew she was in excellent hands, but I can only imagine how she must have been feeling to have both of her parents missing when she was feeling so crappy. Sadly, the fact that she was sick meant that she wasn't able to come to the hospital to meet her new little sister.
Lilah was on the mend by the time we were discharged from the hospital and I hoped she would be in good spirits when we arrived home with Charlotte. We live in a pretty small apartment and Lilah's room is the first room you look into when you open our front door. There she was lying in bed with the saddest look on her face. As soon as she saw us, the tears began to flow. She actually rejected me a little at first by turning over in her bed and facing away from me. It broke my heart because she was just so sad. After some initial cuddles with Lilah, we brought Charlotte into her room and introduced them. Needless to say, it wasn't the meeting I was hoping for.
The first few days at home were really tough. Lilah threw her first ever temper tantrum, refused to eat, and was generally sad, emotional, grumpy...whatever you want to call it. It was really hard for her to adjust to me holding and feeding Charlotte almost constantly and she would get really upset when her Daddy held the new baby. Add to this the post-partum hormones I was experiencing and you have a recipe for emotional breakdowns. I was in tears several times because all I wanted to do was hold Lilah in my arms and reassure her that things were going to be alright, play with her and have the same relationship we did three days prior.
Looking back, it was silly to make such a big deal out of that first meeting and to think that it would have an impact on the kind of relationship my daughters would ultimately develop. As upsetting as it was, I didn't need to worry that the turmoil of those first few weeks would forever change my relationship with Lilah. Here we are two months in and Lilah acts as if Charlotte has been here the whole time. She shows a genuine interest in her, tries to get her to hold toys, knows and sings her favorite song, lays beside her on her play mat and helps me out by getting diapers, burp cloths and clothes. Lilah is a wonderful helper around the house and is back to her old, happy 2-year old self. Our relationship isn't exactly the same, but that is to be expected. We still do most of the same things we used to, but we do them a little differently and we do them with Charlotte. I don't have the same amount of time I used to have to do crafts, play and read stories, but that is only temporary and will change as Charlotte gets older.
Of course, there are bumps in the road. At times, Lilah doesn't want to let Charlotte sit in her bouncy chair or lay on her play mat because Lilah thinks she needs to have a turn. Lilah occasionally has trouble sharing her Daddy with Charlotte, but that seems to be dissipating. We have good days when Charlotte sleeps and we have time to play together and we have bad days when it seems as though Lilah played by herself for most of the day. That is life. We all have good days and bad days and we have to take them one at a time and enjoy them for what they are.
My advice to parents expecting a second child (depending on the age of your older child) is to read and talk a lot about it ahead of time. When talking about the baby, say "our baby" a lot to instill the idea that the new addition is a part of all of us. Try not to make too big of a fuss out of the first meeting (and try not to build up the event in your own head either because you may not get the reaction you are hoping for). Talk to the new baby about the older child often (ie. "Look Charlotte. Lilah is painting a beautiful picture.") to make your older child feel attended to and important. Point out to your older child all of the things they can do that make them special (ie. "You can eat apples because you are a big girl. Charlotte can't eat apples until she has teeth just like you do.") A new sibling entering the family is definitely tough for awhile, but soon enough it will seem like this is the way things have always been.
I had built up images of a beautiful first-time meeting between the two when Lilah came to visit me in the hospital, Lilah being a wonderful little helper around the house and Lilah being totally smitten by her new sibling.
As I should have known, that isn't exactly how it was all going to happen...
Lilah came down with what we think was the flu the day I went into the hospital to be induced. Not only was she sick (which rarely happens), it was also the first time I had ever been away from her overnight. She was with my mom so I knew she was in excellent hands, but I can only imagine how she must have been feeling to have both of her parents missing when she was feeling so crappy. Sadly, the fact that she was sick meant that she wasn't able to come to the hospital to meet her new little sister.
Lilah was on the mend by the time we were discharged from the hospital and I hoped she would be in good spirits when we arrived home with Charlotte. We live in a pretty small apartment and Lilah's room is the first room you look into when you open our front door. There she was lying in bed with the saddest look on her face. As soon as she saw us, the tears began to flow. She actually rejected me a little at first by turning over in her bed and facing away from me. It broke my heart because she was just so sad. After some initial cuddles with Lilah, we brought Charlotte into her room and introduced them. Needless to say, it wasn't the meeting I was hoping for.
The first few days at home were really tough. Lilah threw her first ever temper tantrum, refused to eat, and was generally sad, emotional, grumpy...whatever you want to call it. It was really hard for her to adjust to me holding and feeding Charlotte almost constantly and she would get really upset when her Daddy held the new baby. Add to this the post-partum hormones I was experiencing and you have a recipe for emotional breakdowns. I was in tears several times because all I wanted to do was hold Lilah in my arms and reassure her that things were going to be alright, play with her and have the same relationship we did three days prior.
Looking back, it was silly to make such a big deal out of that first meeting and to think that it would have an impact on the kind of relationship my daughters would ultimately develop. As upsetting as it was, I didn't need to worry that the turmoil of those first few weeks would forever change my relationship with Lilah. Here we are two months in and Lilah acts as if Charlotte has been here the whole time. She shows a genuine interest in her, tries to get her to hold toys, knows and sings her favorite song, lays beside her on her play mat and helps me out by getting diapers, burp cloths and clothes. Lilah is a wonderful helper around the house and is back to her old, happy 2-year old self. Our relationship isn't exactly the same, but that is to be expected. We still do most of the same things we used to, but we do them a little differently and we do them with Charlotte. I don't have the same amount of time I used to have to do crafts, play and read stories, but that is only temporary and will change as Charlotte gets older.
Of course, there are bumps in the road. At times, Lilah doesn't want to let Charlotte sit in her bouncy chair or lay on her play mat because Lilah thinks she needs to have a turn. Lilah occasionally has trouble sharing her Daddy with Charlotte, but that seems to be dissipating. We have good days when Charlotte sleeps and we have time to play together and we have bad days when it seems as though Lilah played by herself for most of the day. That is life. We all have good days and bad days and we have to take them one at a time and enjoy them for what they are.
My advice to parents expecting a second child (depending on the age of your older child) is to read and talk a lot about it ahead of time. When talking about the baby, say "our baby" a lot to instill the idea that the new addition is a part of all of us. Try not to make too big of a fuss out of the first meeting (and try not to build up the event in your own head either because you may not get the reaction you are hoping for). Talk to the new baby about the older child often (ie. "Look Charlotte. Lilah is painting a beautiful picture.") to make your older child feel attended to and important. Point out to your older child all of the things they can do that make them special (ie. "You can eat apples because you are a big girl. Charlotte can't eat apples until she has teeth just like you do.") A new sibling entering the family is definitely tough for awhile, but soon enough it will seem like this is the way things have always been.
Friday, April 20, 2012
The Important Things
Our
house rarely gets cleaned anymore, our dishes don’t get washed as quickly as I
would like, our laundry piles up until we have 4 or more loads to do at one
time and our linens and towels no longer get washed as often as they used to. The
pile of papers I need to file and organize just keeps getting bigger and bigger
and I have very little time to cook or bake.
There
are days when I feel like I have no time to just play with my 2 year-old and
days when I feel like I have no time to interact with my 2-month old. I would
love to be able to give my older daughter the same kind of attention I did
before we had a second child and I would love to be able to give my baby girl
the same kind of attention that her older sister had when she was a baby.
I
am now a mother of two and rather than dwelling on all of the things that are
not getting done or the things that I don’t feel like I am doing a very good
job at right now, I am trying really hard every day to focus on the things that
I do accomplish and that I am good at.
I
am a good mother! My children are rested, clean, fed, clothed and they get
fresh air almost every single day. I believe those are major accomplishments in
and of themselves considering the time, energy and resources I currently have!
I am doing the best that I can and I think I am doing a darn good job.
As
mothers, we need to toot our own horns OFTEN because there are so many things
that we do every single day for our families that go unnoticed by the outside
world and that we get very little recognition or praise for.
The
highlights of my day are waking up to the smiling faces of my two beautiful
children and my loving husband, seeing my baby girl grin from ear to ear when I
sing her favorite song, giving my daughter a colored bubble bath and reading
her bedtime stories, and eating dinner together as a family (which is sometimes
impossible with a new baby). They are simple things, but they are the important
things. Who cares if I got around to cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the
floors? No one is going to notice that I have piles of laundry waiting to be
washed or paperwork that needs to be filed. The happiness of my family is what
is important and I am writing this blog to remind myself of that more than
anything else.
For
all of you mothers out there that are striving to check everything off of your
to-do list and be the best at everything, take a moment to reflect on what is
truly important and focus on being the best that you can be for yourself and
for your family.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
I'm a Big Girl Now!
I can’t believe we just celebrated Lilah’s 2nd birthday! The last two years have gone by so quickly. Lilah is becoming a little girl right before our eyes. The last 6 months have been filled with incredible change. Only 6 short months ago, Lilah was saying just a few words. Today, she is talking up a storm, using full sentences and more words than I ever would have dreamt of 6 months ago! Her ability to play independently has really blossomed and her imagination is running away with itself. In addition to all of the developmental changes, we just recently tackled the transition from crib to bed!
Sleeping in a ‘Big Girl’ Bed:
Whenever we asked Lilah when she was going to sleep in the bed she would say, “When the baby comes.” In her mind, she was going to be able to sleep in the crib until the baby needed it. However, we knew we wanted to try to make the transition about the time of her birthday. We had been talking a lot about it and had been putting a full sized pillow in her crib for several weeks with the hope that would also help with the transition (I have always thought that it must be a strange concept to go from sleeping without a pillow for 2+ years to having one).
We gave Lilah her ‘big girl’ bedding for her birthday in hopes that it would get her even more excited about sleeping in the bed. We put all of the bedding on her bed right away and asked her every afternoon and night if she wanted to sleep in it, but she wouldn’t have it. About a week later, she actually expressed an interest in sleeping in it for her nap so I ran with it. I thought that staying in the bed with her might help, but after a few minutes of her wanting to play, I decided that wasn’t going to work. Luckily, she wasn’t concerned that I was leaving. I ended up going back in the room 3 times to get her back into bed, but she eventually fell asleep and took her nap as per usual. That night, we decided to try again and she was totally happy about going to sleep in the bed and went off to sleep without a sound. I checked on her more times than was really necessary because I was paranoid about her falling out (she still isn’t very good at staying in one place), but I only had to adjust her once.
The next day, she decided that she wanted to sleep in her crib for her nap which I let her do because I didn’t want to push the bed if she wasn’t feeling 100% ready. It was a step back, but I wasn’t worried. That night, she went to sleep in the bed without a problem and is sleeping there today for her nap!
It is so strange to look in at her sleeping in the bed. It seems like such a huge step! It hasn’t been nearly as hard for me as transitioning her from the bassinet to the crib, but I am feeling a little nostalgic anyway. My little girl is growing up!
Our next goal: Potty training!
Monday, August 29, 2011
The Final Stages of Weaning
I am very proud to be able to say that I breastfed my daughter for the first 19 months of her life. I set out in the very beginning with the goal of reaching 18 months and luckily was able to achieve that goal without any complications. The length of time for which a mother decides to breastfeed is a very personal choice and there are a number of factors that go into making the decision to stop. Sadly, there are many mothers out there that would love to have breastfed for a longer period of time, but for whatever reason, were not able to. My heart goes out to those mothers and I applaud every mother that makes an attempt at breastfeeding regardless of how long they decide to do it for.
People have asked me what it was like to nurse an 18 month old, how I went about weaning, and whether weaning was a challenging experience. So, here goes…
Nursing an 18 months old…
I really think that the personality of the child has a huge impact on whether a mother can continue to breastfeed well into the second year of life. My daughter is a calm, cuddly child and was easy to breastfeed until 19 months. She was always gentle, never really begged for it or pulled on my clothing, and never really made it an issue. When I think about baby #2 and the possibility that it could be a rambunctious boy, I wonder if I will be able to nurse for as long.
The weaning process…
I was consistently nursing my daughter 3 times a day (morning, after nap, night). This had been our schedule for months and months and I was really worried about weaning as a result. My daughter always seemed very attached to nursing. After waking in the morning and from her nap, that would be the first and ONLY thing she wanted to do. If there was even the slightest bit of deviation from the routine, she would be get upset. In addition, I had never put her to bed at night without nursing her and worried that she would no longer go to bed easily. Needless to say, I was anxious about the whole weaning process. Let me just say, I had nothing to be anxious about because it was significantly easier than I ever expected it to be. Perhaps we were just both ready, but I was unwilling to admit that it was time for that particular aspect of our mother-daughter relationship to come to an end.
I decided to start by weaning my daughter from the after-nap nursing session as I thought this would be the easiest one to drop. Looking back, this was actually the most challenging one to get rid of. We happened to be staying with my parents at the time so I decided to have my mom get Lilah up from her nap for a few days while I stayed hidden until she seemed to be over the fact that I wasn’t going to nurse her. Our strategy was to get her a snack right away, something she really enjoyed, in an attempt to get her mind off of nursing. The first day was the hardest because she cried and asked for me and for milk, but my mom was able to distract her and she got over it in a relatively short period of time. The next couple of days were similar, but each day it seemed easier to distract her. By the fourth day, I was getting her up from her nap again and everything was fine. She did ask for it a few times and I simply told her that I didn’t have any milk for her and that she would have to wait until bedtime and this response seemed sufficient.
I had intended on keeping her morning and night feedings for several more weeks, but a few short weeks later, I inadvertently forgot to nurse her one night. About an hour after I had put her to bed, I realized that I had forgot and then realized that she didn’t ask for it, it didn’t take her any longer to fall asleep…nothing. I decided to run with it and just stopped feeding her at night. We had been giving her a cup of milk during bedtime stories for several weeks so nursing was more of a comfort thing than anything else. It almost made sense that she didn’t seem to care that it wasn’t happening anymore. Regardless. I really was very surprised that it was so easy.
I was convinced that getting rid of the morning feeding would be the hardest on both of us because we had a really nice routine of getting her out of her crib, bringing her to our room, nursing her and cuddling in bed for awhile before we had to get up for the day. I think I was the one that was dreading dropping this feeding because it would mean I would have to hop out of bed and get right to making breakfast rather than slowly waking up in bed. Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet and once again, was surprised at how easy it all was. My daughter didn’t really seem to care that I wasn’t nursing her anymore and was perfectly content to hang out for an hour or so before I gave her breakfast. One of the wonderful outcomes of dropping the morning feeding was that Lilah started to sleep longer. She had been waking around 6am for weeks and some mornings would be up even earlier than that. Once I dropped the morning feeding, she started sleeping longer and longer and for the past several weeks has consistently been sleeping until 7am or later. It may be a coincidence that she is sleeping longer, but I really think the two are at least somewhat related.
In the end, weaning was probably more difficult for me than it was for my daughter. I really think we were both ready for it even if one of us didn’t want to admit it…not mentioning any names. The pregnancy did play a role in speeding up the process, but it would have happened anyway. It was a sad day when I nursed her for the last time, but I will cherish the 19 months we did have for the rest of my life and I very much look forward to going through it all again in 6 months time!
People have asked me what it was like to nurse an 18 month old, how I went about weaning, and whether weaning was a challenging experience. So, here goes…
Nursing an 18 months old…
I really think that the personality of the child has a huge impact on whether a mother can continue to breastfeed well into the second year of life. My daughter is a calm, cuddly child and was easy to breastfeed until 19 months. She was always gentle, never really begged for it or pulled on my clothing, and never really made it an issue. When I think about baby #2 and the possibility that it could be a rambunctious boy, I wonder if I will be able to nurse for as long.
The weaning process…
I was consistently nursing my daughter 3 times a day (morning, after nap, night). This had been our schedule for months and months and I was really worried about weaning as a result. My daughter always seemed very attached to nursing. After waking in the morning and from her nap, that would be the first and ONLY thing she wanted to do. If there was even the slightest bit of deviation from the routine, she would be get upset. In addition, I had never put her to bed at night without nursing her and worried that she would no longer go to bed easily. Needless to say, I was anxious about the whole weaning process. Let me just say, I had nothing to be anxious about because it was significantly easier than I ever expected it to be. Perhaps we were just both ready, but I was unwilling to admit that it was time for that particular aspect of our mother-daughter relationship to come to an end.
I decided to start by weaning my daughter from the after-nap nursing session as I thought this would be the easiest one to drop. Looking back, this was actually the most challenging one to get rid of. We happened to be staying with my parents at the time so I decided to have my mom get Lilah up from her nap for a few days while I stayed hidden until she seemed to be over the fact that I wasn’t going to nurse her. Our strategy was to get her a snack right away, something she really enjoyed, in an attempt to get her mind off of nursing. The first day was the hardest because she cried and asked for me and for milk, but my mom was able to distract her and she got over it in a relatively short period of time. The next couple of days were similar, but each day it seemed easier to distract her. By the fourth day, I was getting her up from her nap again and everything was fine. She did ask for it a few times and I simply told her that I didn’t have any milk for her and that she would have to wait until bedtime and this response seemed sufficient.
I had intended on keeping her morning and night feedings for several more weeks, but a few short weeks later, I inadvertently forgot to nurse her one night. About an hour after I had put her to bed, I realized that I had forgot and then realized that she didn’t ask for it, it didn’t take her any longer to fall asleep…nothing. I decided to run with it and just stopped feeding her at night. We had been giving her a cup of milk during bedtime stories for several weeks so nursing was more of a comfort thing than anything else. It almost made sense that she didn’t seem to care that it wasn’t happening anymore. Regardless. I really was very surprised that it was so easy.
I was convinced that getting rid of the morning feeding would be the hardest on both of us because we had a really nice routine of getting her out of her crib, bringing her to our room, nursing her and cuddling in bed for awhile before we had to get up for the day. I think I was the one that was dreading dropping this feeding because it would mean I would have to hop out of bed and get right to making breakfast rather than slowly waking up in bed. Anyway, I decided to bite the bullet and once again, was surprised at how easy it all was. My daughter didn’t really seem to care that I wasn’t nursing her anymore and was perfectly content to hang out for an hour or so before I gave her breakfast. One of the wonderful outcomes of dropping the morning feeding was that Lilah started to sleep longer. She had been waking around 6am for weeks and some mornings would be up even earlier than that. Once I dropped the morning feeding, she started sleeping longer and longer and for the past several weeks has consistently been sleeping until 7am or later. It may be a coincidence that she is sleeping longer, but I really think the two are at least somewhat related.
In the end, weaning was probably more difficult for me than it was for my daughter. I really think we were both ready for it even if one of us didn’t want to admit it…not mentioning any names. The pregnancy did play a role in speeding up the process, but it would have happened anyway. It was a sad day when I nursed her for the last time, but I will cherish the 19 months we did have for the rest of my life and I very much look forward to going through it all again in 6 months time!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Breastfeeding and Pregnancy
It is a well know fact (or it at least should be) that it is possible to conceive while breastfeeding. While it is true that you cannot get pregnant until your cycle resumes, it is impossible to know when that is going to happen.
Based on my experience, it seems to be a less-well-know-fact that you can continue to breastfeed throughout pregnancy if you so choose. As long as you are feeling well and there are no concerns on your physician’s end, there is nothing stopping you from breastfeeding throughout your entire pregnancy and beyond if you decide to tandem breastfeed after you deliver. I personally chose to fully wean my daughter by the end of my first trimester, but there really wasn’t any reason why I couldn’t have continued to nurse if I wanted.
My reasons for weaning my daughter were varied. I found the first few months of pregnancy to be extremely exhausting which I am sure was exaggerated by the fact that I was nursing. Toward to the end of the first trimester I started to find nursing to be quite uncomfortable (in fact, it vaguely started reminding me of the early days of engorgement…enough said). From the beginning, I had the goal of 18 months in mind when I started on my breastfeeding journey and around that time I started to feel like I was ready anyway despite being pregnant. Even if I wasn’t pregnant, I think I still would have made the decision to wean when I did. I am proud to say I made it to the 19 month mark and aim to do the same with second…I think.
Breastfeeding takes a huge amount of commitment. Breastfeeding during pregnancy requires something altogether different. Tandem nursing is in a realm that I can’t even wrap my head around. I am proud that I was able to nurse for as long as I did, but I could never imagine nursing with a burgeoning belly and most definitely couldn’t imagine nursing a toddler and a newborn at the same time! Some people do it and my hat goes off to them. I think it is sad that our society has put such a social stigma on breastfeeding beyond a certain age and that mothers who choose to tandem nurse are portrayed as complete wacko’s in social media. There was even a news story recently about a woman being kicked out of a public place for nursing. It completely boggles my mind how such an ‘advanced’ society can be so stupid and judgmental. Okay, now I am ranting…
Thursday, August 18, 2011
I'M BACK!
It has been far too long since I last blogged, but life has been just a little crazy lately. I suppose I should get used to that because with baby # 2 on the way, it certainly isn’t going to get any less chaotic. Yes, you read that right…we are expecting our second child this February! We are overjoyed to have another baby on the way and excited about a sibling for our growing-up-faster-than-we-can-believe-it daughter.
In addition to being pregnant, we made a big move from Baltimore to Chicago this summer, I went through the process of fully weaning our daughter, and I dealt with the first death in my family. Needless to say, it has been a busy few months with little time to sit down and write. Now that we are settling in our new home and I am entering my second trimester, I am finding I have a little more time on my hands and a little more energy to sit down, think, and write. I am excited about getting back into the swing of blogging because I am sure there will be plenty to share about pregnancy, raising a toddler and life as a mother of two. Stay tuned!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
First Potty Poop!
Lilah took her first poop on the toilet today! Yes, she is only 17 months old. No, I don't think it was a conscious choice. I just happened to catch her at the right moment and get her onto the toilet at just the right time. Is she going to let me know when she needs to poop from here on out...highly doubtful. Am I alright with that? ABSOLUTELY!
Toilet training is a process. When to start, which equipment to choose, which approach to take...the answers to these questions are going to be very different for every child and every family. You know your child best. The most important thing you can do is pay attention to the skills your child has and the cues that your child exhibits. Familiarize yourself with how your child learns best and base your decisions on that information. Remember to choose a non punitive approach, provide lots of support and encouragement and relax and enjoy the process.
When To Start
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "most children become physiologically ready for toilet training at around eighteen months of age—that is, their digestive system and bladder have matured to the point where they can delay a bowel movement or urination long enough to get to a potty." It is important to note, however, that children "are usually not cognitively ready—able to associate the need to eliminate with potty use, to remember to use it, and to resist distraction long enough to complete the process—until sometime after their second birthday."
Armed with this information, I decided it couldn't hurt to get a child toilet seat and at least start to get Lilah used to the whole idea of toilet training. She was very excited when it arrived and was eager to use her new Elmo step stool to get up onto the toilet. For several weeks, I have been letting her sit on it when she has shown interest and we have also been trying to get into the routine of using it before her bath! More recently, there have been a few occasions when I have been able to 'catch her' just as she is about to have a bowel movement. Before today, putting her on the seat has been unsuccessful. Regardless, we talk about telling Mommy when you need to poop so that we can poop in the toilet instead of in the diaper. Eventually she will catch on.
Choosing a Potty
I opted to go the step stool/child seat that goes directly on the toilet route. Choosing whether to use a potty chair or a child seat is definitely a personal choice. I don't believe there is any evidence out there that suggests one works better than the other. Personally, I could not stand the idea of having to dump out and clean a potty every time my child went to the toilet! Gross! I would rather be able to just pull the flush! That being said, there are a number of factor to consider when deciding which option is right for you.
I went with the Baby Bjorn toilet trainer. http://www.babybjorn.com/us/products/bathroom/toilet-trainer/toilet-trainer/.
It fits snugly and securely onto the toilet seat and the opening is the perfect size (even for my daughter's tiny little bottom). It has a small rubber handle on the back making it easy to hang on a potty hook.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4020541
The Process of Toilet Training
I am fully aware that this process is going to take a long time and I am most definitely not in a rush. I fear that far too many children experience unnecessary pressure when it comes to toilet training and end up having very negative experiences which may or may not delay the process and/or affect their development.
I know that I am beginning the process of toilet training very early by most standards, but my intentions at this point are not to have Lilah fully toilet trained anytime in the near future. Right now, it is just about getting her used to the equipment, familiarizing her with the process, and talking and reading about it. My job as a parent is to keep my eyes open for the signs that she is ready. For now, we are taking things one step at a time...it will happen when it happens.
One final point...
A girl has a vagina. A boys has a penis. Poop comes out of our bum and pee comes out of our vagina or penis. Start your children off on the right track by giving body parts and bodily functions their proper name. One of my biggest pet peeves is when parents don't do this!
Happy toilet training!
For more information on toilet training go visit HealthyChildren.org: (http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/default.aspx)
Toilet training is a process. When to start, which equipment to choose, which approach to take...the answers to these questions are going to be very different for every child and every family. You know your child best. The most important thing you can do is pay attention to the skills your child has and the cues that your child exhibits. Familiarize yourself with how your child learns best and base your decisions on that information. Remember to choose a non punitive approach, provide lots of support and encouragement and relax and enjoy the process.
When To Start
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, "most children become physiologically ready for toilet training at around eighteen months of age—that is, their digestive system and bladder have matured to the point where they can delay a bowel movement or urination long enough to get to a potty." It is important to note, however, that children "are usually not cognitively ready—able to associate the need to eliminate with potty use, to remember to use it, and to resist distraction long enough to complete the process—until sometime after their second birthday."
Armed with this information, I decided it couldn't hurt to get a child toilet seat and at least start to get Lilah used to the whole idea of toilet training. She was very excited when it arrived and was eager to use her new Elmo step stool to get up onto the toilet. For several weeks, I have been letting her sit on it when she has shown interest and we have also been trying to get into the routine of using it before her bath! More recently, there have been a few occasions when I have been able to 'catch her' just as she is about to have a bowel movement. Before today, putting her on the seat has been unsuccessful. Regardless, we talk about telling Mommy when you need to poop so that we can poop in the toilet instead of in the diaper. Eventually she will catch on.
Choosing a Potty
I opted to go the step stool/child seat that goes directly on the toilet route. Choosing whether to use a potty chair or a child seat is definitely a personal choice. I don't believe there is any evidence out there that suggests one works better than the other. Personally, I could not stand the idea of having to dump out and clean a potty every time my child went to the toilet! Gross! I would rather be able to just pull the flush! That being said, there are a number of factor to consider when deciding which option is right for you.
I went with the Baby Bjorn toilet trainer. http://www.babybjorn.com/us/products/bathroom/toilet-trainer/toilet-trainer/.
It fits snugly and securely onto the toilet seat and the opening is the perfect size (even for my daughter's tiny little bottom). It has a small rubber handle on the back making it easy to hang on a potty hook.
http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=4020541
The Process of Toilet Training
I am fully aware that this process is going to take a long time and I am most definitely not in a rush. I fear that far too many children experience unnecessary pressure when it comes to toilet training and end up having very negative experiences which may or may not delay the process and/or affect their development.
I know that I am beginning the process of toilet training very early by most standards, but my intentions at this point are not to have Lilah fully toilet trained anytime in the near future. Right now, it is just about getting her used to the equipment, familiarizing her with the process, and talking and reading about it. My job as a parent is to keep my eyes open for the signs that she is ready. For now, we are taking things one step at a time...it will happen when it happens.
One final point...
A girl has a vagina. A boys has a penis. Poop comes out of our bum and pee comes out of our vagina or penis. Start your children off on the right track by giving body parts and bodily functions their proper name. One of my biggest pet peeves is when parents don't do this!
Happy toilet training!
For more information on toilet training go visit HealthyChildren.org: (http://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/toddler/toilet-training/Pages/default.aspx)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Practicing for the Doctor: It just might work!
Lilah's 12 month doctor's appointment was a bit of a challenge. She started crying as soon as we put her up on the table for the nurse to weigh and measure her and take her temperature. The crying continued and then increased when it came time for the needles and she didn't really stop until we left the office.
Needless to say, I was very motivated to do what I could to prevent the situation from happening again. The last thing I want is for my daughter to develop a fear and hatred for the doctor. I asked around for some advice and a friend suggested buying a book about visiting the doctor.
We went out the next day and bought a book about going to the doctor and started reading it on a regular basis. A few weeks later, Lilah's grandparents bought her a doctor's kit and we stared playing with kit while reading the book. Lilah quickly came to understand the names for the instruments and how to use them. We played with a stethoscope, thermometer, needle, and ear/eye/throat light to name but a few. We had also put a height chart on the wall and talked about it as we went through the story as well (even though the doctor does not yet measure her height on a chart).
Our 15 month appointment we much more successful that the previous visit. There were still a few tears and some fussing, but significantly less than before. We took the book and doctor's kit with us and pulled out the instruments and looked at the appropriate pages of the book before each step of the appointment. I really can't say for sure whether it was the 'practice' or simply that Lilah was having a better day and/or had matured since the last appointment that made the visit better. In my opinion, it doesn't really matter. Even if the book and the kit made no difference, we had a lot of fun playing with it (and still do) and I am positive that Lilah learned a thing or two along the way.
Some tips for making your appointments more successful:
1) Talk about the upcoming appointment the day before and/or on the day of the visit (talking about it any earlier could actually increase anxiety).
2) Read a book about what to expect at the visit.
3) Act out what to expect using a doll and/or a doctor's kit.
4) Let your child take something special to the appointment (toy/blanket) for comfort.
5) Ask the doctor to 'examine' you or your child's doll before examining your child.
6) Talk about the fun parts of the visit (toys in the waiting room, sticker/book prizes).
7) Be honest about the hard parts of the visit (ie. needles). Tell your child that it will hurt for a few seconds.
8) Distract your child while the needles are being given.
9) Provide a lot of praise after the appointment!
Good luck!
Road Trip: Part 2
Well, there really isn't much to say...the drive back to Baltimore was almost as easy and enjoyable as the drive to Ontario. Given how smoothly the initial trip went, we didn't want to change anything (don't fix what isn't broken). However, we did leave 2 hours earlier (7am vs. 9am) which put us home for dinner which was nice and we stopped less often (2X vs. 4X). It did take Lilah a little longer to fall asleep and she didn't sleep for as long (2 hours), but she was content throughout the journey. In the end, we arrived safely in Baltimore after 9.5 hours of driving.
I was so worried before we embarked on this journey that it would be a torturous 10 hours (or longer). I really should have given Lilah more credit from the get-go. She was a trooper and apparently she is a wonderful traveler. Looking back on the past year, we really could have saved ourselves some money on airfare had we had the courage it give the road trip a try. On the other hand, doing it when she was younger may have been less of a success.
Just as we discover that Lilah travels long distances well in a car, we will be getting rid of our car when we make our move to Chicago in a few short months. Our new mode of transportation will be the train. It will be a new adventure for Lilah and a more relaxing commute for my husband and I (hopefully). It will be interesting to say the least and I will be sure to post on the subject in the near future.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Road Trip: Part 1
We made the 9.5 hour drive from where we currently live in Maryland, USA to Ontario, Canada this past week. I really didn't know what to expect from Lilah, but was mentally preparing myself for it to be a LONG, challenging journey. Lilah has never had to travel any great distance in the car. I think the longest trip we have taken in the last year or so was about two hours. Anyway, I couldn't have been more wrong about how she would act! She was fantastic for the entire trip!
We debated for a long time about WHEN to do the driving. At first we thought getting in the car right before bedtime would be the best because she would hopefully sleep the entire way. We ultimately decided, however, to drive during the day because we thought it would nice for her to have time to settle down after the long journey, get used to her surroundings and then have a good, uninterrupted sleep.
I should mention that we used Lilah's infant car seat for this trip. She has always been pretty happy with her infant seat. It was only when we recently started using a new seat that she started to put up a fuss about being in the car. She is just barely under the height limit for her infant seat so we decided that we would use it for this trip because we knew she would be happier sitting in it. The next time we make the trip, she will have no choice but to sit in her new seat and my hope is that after she gets used to it and forgets about her infant seat, she will be content to ride in it.
Anyway, we started off the day by visiting the doctor for Lilah's 15 month needles. We hadn't really planned on this being a part of our adventure, but it may have helped in that it might have made Lilah a little more sleepy than usual. On the other hand, it could have totally blew up in our faces if she had developed a fever or had some kind of adverse reaction to the immunizations which apparently is more common with this round of shots.
We hit the road at about 9:00am and were able to drive for about 3 hours before making a stop. During this time, we read stories, played with a few favourite toys, watched a couple of Elmo episodes, had our morning snack and lunch. We stopped right before it was time for Lilah to take a nap so that she could stretch her legs and have a diaper change. It was a brief stop (~15 minutes) and we were back on the road. Lilah didn't fuss even a bit about getting back in her seat which really surprised me.
She fell asleep pretty bang on to her normal nap time and slept for a solid 2.5 hours which was FANTASTIC! That is a little longer than is typical for her and may have been a result of the immunizations. Whatever the reason, it was welcomed!
When she had fully woken up from her nap, we stopped for the second time (we had been in the car for close to 3 hours). It was another quick stop to nurse, stretch and change her diaper and again, there wasn't a single complaint about getting back in the seat.
We ended up making two more very brief stops (Duty Free, dirty diaper change) and were at our destination in just under 9.5 hours (the typical drive time). Lilah was happy as a clam through the very last agonizing minutes of the journey. I was so pleasantly surprised that it went so smoothly.
Things that worked for us:
1) I sat in the back seat with Lilah for the duration of the trip.
2) I packed a few favourite toys and lots of books (the toys/books that Lilah seemed particularly interested in in the days leading up to the trip.) We also took our labtop computer and a few of Lilah's favourite videos and several of her Cd's.
3) I packed lots of food for the journey (fresh fruit, yogurt, egg salad sandwiches, raisins, cookies, goldfish, cheerios, milk, water, juice.)
4) We had screens on the windows in the back seat to block out the sun and an extra blanket to drape over the car seat while she slept so it was a little darker.
5) I took her favourite blanket and a few of the toys she has in her crib for nap time.
6) We kept everything as close to our regular schedule/routine as possible (IE. snacks/meals/nap/nursing were all at their usual time.)
Hope this helps those of you planning road trips this coming summer! Think positively and happy travels!
We debated for a long time about WHEN to do the driving. At first we thought getting in the car right before bedtime would be the best because she would hopefully sleep the entire way. We ultimately decided, however, to drive during the day because we thought it would nice for her to have time to settle down after the long journey, get used to her surroundings and then have a good, uninterrupted sleep.
I should mention that we used Lilah's infant car seat for this trip. She has always been pretty happy with her infant seat. It was only when we recently started using a new seat that she started to put up a fuss about being in the car. She is just barely under the height limit for her infant seat so we decided that we would use it for this trip because we knew she would be happier sitting in it. The next time we make the trip, she will have no choice but to sit in her new seat and my hope is that after she gets used to it and forgets about her infant seat, she will be content to ride in it.
Anyway, we started off the day by visiting the doctor for Lilah's 15 month needles. We hadn't really planned on this being a part of our adventure, but it may have helped in that it might have made Lilah a little more sleepy than usual. On the other hand, it could have totally blew up in our faces if she had developed a fever or had some kind of adverse reaction to the immunizations which apparently is more common with this round of shots.
We hit the road at about 9:00am and were able to drive for about 3 hours before making a stop. During this time, we read stories, played with a few favourite toys, watched a couple of Elmo episodes, had our morning snack and lunch. We stopped right before it was time for Lilah to take a nap so that she could stretch her legs and have a diaper change. It was a brief stop (~15 minutes) and we were back on the road. Lilah didn't fuss even a bit about getting back in her seat which really surprised me.
She fell asleep pretty bang on to her normal nap time and slept for a solid 2.5 hours which was FANTASTIC! That is a little longer than is typical for her and may have been a result of the immunizations. Whatever the reason, it was welcomed!
When she had fully woken up from her nap, we stopped for the second time (we had been in the car for close to 3 hours). It was another quick stop to nurse, stretch and change her diaper and again, there wasn't a single complaint about getting back in the seat.
We ended up making two more very brief stops (Duty Free, dirty diaper change) and were at our destination in just under 9.5 hours (the typical drive time). Lilah was happy as a clam through the very last agonizing minutes of the journey. I was so pleasantly surprised that it went so smoothly.
Things that worked for us:
1) I sat in the back seat with Lilah for the duration of the trip.
2) I packed a few favourite toys and lots of books (the toys/books that Lilah seemed particularly interested in in the days leading up to the trip.) We also took our labtop computer and a few of Lilah's favourite videos and several of her Cd's.
3) I packed lots of food for the journey (fresh fruit, yogurt, egg salad sandwiches, raisins, cookies, goldfish, cheerios, milk, water, juice.)
4) We had screens on the windows in the back seat to block out the sun and an extra blanket to drape over the car seat while she slept so it was a little darker.
5) I took her favourite blanket and a few of the toys she has in her crib for nap time.
6) We kept everything as close to our regular schedule/routine as possible (IE. snacks/meals/nap/nursing were all at their usual time.)
Hope this helps those of you planning road trips this coming summer! Think positively and happy travels!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
What's Cooking? - Another New Page!
Feeding my family is of the utmost importance to me. I have a passion for cooking and I love spending time in the kitchen. In fact, almost every day, I spend at least half of Lilah's nap in the kitchen prepping ingredients for dinner. When dinner time rolls around, quickly whipping up a delicious dinner is a breeze.
At 15 months, my daughter now eats what we eat most of the time. For that reason, I have decided to start a new page, What's Cooking?, which will focus on family meals. I will make notes about Lilah's reaction to the meals and tips on how to make them toddler friendly. I will also include links to recipes whenever possible. If you are interested in a recipe that doesn't have a link, let me know and I will share it. Finally, I will note which steps of the recipe I prepared in advance to make cooking the dish easier come dinner time.
I don't think of myself as a traditional cook and I rarely make the same thing twice. We try new things as often as possible (ie. this week we are trying tempeh for the first time). I use a recipe almost every single night and try to include as much variety in our diet as I can. My ultimate goals are to feed my family good, healthy food and instill in my daughter a love for food and cooking.
Happy Cooking!
At 15 months, my daughter now eats what we eat most of the time. For that reason, I have decided to start a new page, What's Cooking?, which will focus on family meals. I will make notes about Lilah's reaction to the meals and tips on how to make them toddler friendly. I will also include links to recipes whenever possible. If you are interested in a recipe that doesn't have a link, let me know and I will share it. Finally, I will note which steps of the recipe I prepared in advance to make cooking the dish easier come dinner time.
I don't think of myself as a traditional cook and I rarely make the same thing twice. We try new things as often as possible (ie. this week we are trying tempeh for the first time). I use a recipe almost every single night and try to include as much variety in our diet as I can. My ultimate goals are to feed my family good, healthy food and instill in my daughter a love for food and cooking.
Happy Cooking!
Monday, March 21, 2011
Car Seat Woes
Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration announced new car seat guidelines today that every parent needs to made aware of. They are as follows:
1) Children are to ride in rear-facing seats until 2 years of age.
2) Children are to ride in a booster seat until they are 4'9".
3) Children are to ride in the back seat of the car until they are 13 years of age.
I wasn't surprised to hear the news. I had done a fair amount of research on car seat safety for a post I wrote in January about keeping children in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible (until they reach the height and weight limits for the seat.) At the time, my motivation was the number of parents that seemed all to eager to start using a forward-facing seat as soon as the minimum requirements were met (one-year AND 22 pounds.) It seemed to have become a milestone of sorts and parents were switching their children as soon as possible despite the recommendations to keep them rear-facing as long as possible (information which was not adequately communicated to parents in the first place.)
When I heard the news today, I decided to pull out and re-read the manuals for our car seats. I also measured Lilah only to find out that she is on the verge of exceeding the height limit of her rear-facing seat (32 inches.) Unfortunately, she has not reached the minimum weight requirement for her forward-facing seat (22 pounds.) This means that despite the new recommendations, we need another seat that can accommodate Lilah until she can use her forward facing seat (which is now not until she turns 2.)
Our only option at this point is to invest in yet another car seat. We considered buying a convertible seat to fill the gap, but it seems to make more sense financially to purchase a 3-in-1 seat that Lilah can use in the rear-facing position until she is 2 years old. She could then start using the forward-facing/booster seat we have already purchased and we could use the 3-in-1 seat through all three stages (rear-facing, forward-facing, booster) with our second child. My only fear is that something is going to change between now and then and we will find ourselves in a similar position. As all parents know, car seats aren't cheap and we hope to be able to use them for more than one child. With constantly changing standards and recommendations, this becomes challenging. I know these changes are in the best interests of our children, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
I am open to suggestions and/or recommendations!
1) Children are to ride in rear-facing seats until 2 years of age.
2) Children are to ride in a booster seat until they are 4'9".
3) Children are to ride in the back seat of the car until they are 13 years of age.
I wasn't surprised to hear the news. I had done a fair amount of research on car seat safety for a post I wrote in January about keeping children in rear-facing car seats for as long as possible (until they reach the height and weight limits for the seat.) At the time, my motivation was the number of parents that seemed all to eager to start using a forward-facing seat as soon as the minimum requirements were met (one-year AND 22 pounds.) It seemed to have become a milestone of sorts and parents were switching their children as soon as possible despite the recommendations to keep them rear-facing as long as possible (information which was not adequately communicated to parents in the first place.)
When I heard the news today, I decided to pull out and re-read the manuals for our car seats. I also measured Lilah only to find out that she is on the verge of exceeding the height limit of her rear-facing seat (32 inches.) Unfortunately, she has not reached the minimum weight requirement for her forward-facing seat (22 pounds.) This means that despite the new recommendations, we need another seat that can accommodate Lilah until she can use her forward facing seat (which is now not until she turns 2.)
Our only option at this point is to invest in yet another car seat. We considered buying a convertible seat to fill the gap, but it seems to make more sense financially to purchase a 3-in-1 seat that Lilah can use in the rear-facing position until she is 2 years old. She could then start using the forward-facing/booster seat we have already purchased and we could use the 3-in-1 seat through all three stages (rear-facing, forward-facing, booster) with our second child. My only fear is that something is going to change between now and then and we will find ourselves in a similar position. As all parents know, car seats aren't cheap and we hope to be able to use them for more than one child. With constantly changing standards and recommendations, this becomes challenging. I know these changes are in the best interests of our children, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
I am open to suggestions and/or recommendations!
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