Being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. It can be physically, mentally and emotionally draining. That is not to say there aren't a million amazing things about being a stay-at-home mom, but sometimes one just needs to talk about the tough parts of the job.
My daughter is 9-months old now and she never stops! Hence, the physically exhausting part of the job (never mind the never ending list of household chores that need to be done on a regular basis). Lilah is always on the go and getting into everything. It has definitely become more challenging to keep her occupied during the day which contributes to the mental exhaustion.
The reason I decided to write this blog post, however, is that I have been feeling a little (for lack of a better word), 'down' lately. I wanted to spend some time writing about the emotionally draining part of being a stay-at-home mom. Perhaps it will be therapeutic for me and maybe it will let other moms out there know that they are not alone if they are not feeling super happy all day every day.
I think there are several things contributing to the 'down' feeling I am currently experiencing. For starters, the weather is shitty and given that fall has just begun, it is only going to get worse. Add to that the fact that my hormones are out of whack again this week (if you know what I am saying). That being said, those factors don't completely explain my current emotional state.
I am feeling a little isolated. Sadly, we do not live in a family-friendly neighbourhood at the present time so there are no other young children around. I venture into a nearby family-friendly neighbourhood every single day in hopes of running into other moms and their kids, but it never happens. I take my daughter to the library every week with the same hope...nothing. We recently started taking a music class which is proving to be a positive experience, but getting out once a week to interact with other parents and children for an hour doesn't feel like much. At the current moment, I am trying to remain optimistic that we may walk away from the music class with a few new friends that we can get together with for play-dates.
Being a stay-at-home mom can also be a lonely job. Sure, you have someone else with you 24/7, but it is not the same as having another adult around that you can converse with. Living 9 1/2 hours away from both of our families and our friends that have children does not help with this feeling either.
I suppose I am a little bored as well. I know boredom is self-inflicted, but that doesn't mean I can't feel that way. It is hard not having time to do things for yourself that you enjoy. Yes, I do enjoy playing and interacting with my daughter more than anything else in the world, but I also like a little mental stimulation once in awhile and miss being able to sit down for a couple of hours and paint, read or scrapbook.
Let me just say, I don't feel like this everyday or even very often, but I know I am not alone in experiencing these feelings. I imagine there are plenty of other stay-at-home moms out there feeling much the same way. When I am overcome with these feelings, I suppose the best I can do is try to follow my mother's advice and "enjoy every minute of every day" and hope that this too shall pass...right? (I am sure a little sunshine would help too).
Monday, September 27, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
First Illness
How lucky are we! The first time I take my daughter into a situation where there are other kids around and they are touching the same things, she gets sick! Don't get me wrong, I think that is is a good thing that she has finally contracted something because her immune system needs to start building up a resistance to the more than 100 cold and flu strains that are out there. That being said, it still sucks and has resulted in a few very rough days and nights.
We attended the class on Monday and by Wednesday afternoon, she started to show symptoms. First, she threw up her lunch which I didn't think much of because it has happened before after she gags on a bit of food that is a little bigger than she is used to (I am trying to slowly feed her more textured foods). By that evening, she was very noticeably congested and her nose was running like a faucet. Poor girl! If you have ever tried to wipe an infants nose, you will understand how challenging and unpleasant it is for both you and baby. She was also getting increasingly fussy and tired. At that point, my husband and I knew it was going to be a rough night.
I don't actually think any of us got any sleep that first night. Lilah was miserable and understandably so. Her nose was running all over the place and she couldn't breathe very well. She wasn't interested in nursing at all at bedtime (I usually feed her lying down at bedtime). The only way I could get her to nurse was to stand and rock her in my arms while letting her nurse. A challenge, yes, but definitely do-able. She slept for a short time and then was awake again and very upset. She threw up once again, but this time judging by the look of the vomit, it was because of all of the mucus she had been swallowing. Our first experience cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night! Yahoo, what fun!
After that episode, we decided to prop her mattress at one end to help her breathe. I simply placed two thick books under the head of her mattress and we made sure she was good and asleep when we lied her down so that she stayed in the propped position rather than upside down with the blood rushing to her head (no worries, the mattress was not that angled)! This seemed to help quite a bit because she slept a little better after that (but still woke very frequently). Of course, her typical nursing schedule was thrown off, but I did manage to get her to nurse around midnight. I really wanted to get some fluid into her given that she had recently vomited.
The next day was a rough, sad day. Lilah would play happily for a short time and then realize she was sick and start crying. We had to torture her by wiping her nose all day, but I tried to ease the uncomfortableness of it all by switching between tissue and a warm cloth. I also mostly dabbed because I didn't want her to end up with a raw, sore nose on top of everything else. She wasn't interested in nursing in the morning so we ended up giving her a bottle. Due to her congestion, it was just easier for her to drink from a bottle. Later that day, I was able to get her to nurse. We managed to get some solid food into her, but she puked up her dinner which probably contributed to the need to nurse more than usual in the night. It was another rough night. Lilah woke very frequently once again (even more than the night before).
Today has been a much better day. Her symptoms seemed to have almost disappeared. She is no longer congested and her nose isn't running at all. At this point, she has yet to develop a cough which I am thankful for (and I hope it stays that way).
We went to music class again this morning so just my luck, she will be sick again in a couple of days! They say that once children start interacting with one another, they are always sick! It does make sense when you think about the fact that there are more than 100 different strains of the cold and flu out there and they have yet to be exposed to any of them.
We can't isolate them forever and they need to get sick once in awhile to build up their immunity. I am not one of those crazy parents who won't allow my child to put anything in her mouth that hasn't been sanitized (although I will wipe toys down after Lilah has played with them, especially if she is sick). I really don't think we do our children any justice by being too freaky when it comes to germs. In fact, there are studies now showing that germs help children. It has been suggested that the rise in things like allergies are a result of growing up in too clean of an environment. Of course, we need to use common sense when it comes to what we will let our children touch and put into their mouths, but there is no need to be a freak about germs. Regular hand washing and basic hygiene can go a long way!
Just to note, I didn't give Lilah any kind of medication. I did buy some saline spray for her nose, but didn't end up using it. I did apply a small amount of Vaseline under her nose at one point because it was looking a little raw and sore. It is important to check with your doctor before giving any kind of medication at this age as cough medicines and decongestants are not generally recommended.
We attended the class on Monday and by Wednesday afternoon, she started to show symptoms. First, she threw up her lunch which I didn't think much of because it has happened before after she gags on a bit of food that is a little bigger than she is used to (I am trying to slowly feed her more textured foods). By that evening, she was very noticeably congested and her nose was running like a faucet. Poor girl! If you have ever tried to wipe an infants nose, you will understand how challenging and unpleasant it is for both you and baby. She was also getting increasingly fussy and tired. At that point, my husband and I knew it was going to be a rough night.
I don't actually think any of us got any sleep that first night. Lilah was miserable and understandably so. Her nose was running all over the place and she couldn't breathe very well. She wasn't interested in nursing at all at bedtime (I usually feed her lying down at bedtime). The only way I could get her to nurse was to stand and rock her in my arms while letting her nurse. A challenge, yes, but definitely do-able. She slept for a short time and then was awake again and very upset. She threw up once again, but this time judging by the look of the vomit, it was because of all of the mucus she had been swallowing. Our first experience cleaning up vomit in the middle of the night! Yahoo, what fun!
After that episode, we decided to prop her mattress at one end to help her breathe. I simply placed two thick books under the head of her mattress and we made sure she was good and asleep when we lied her down so that she stayed in the propped position rather than upside down with the blood rushing to her head (no worries, the mattress was not that angled)! This seemed to help quite a bit because she slept a little better after that (but still woke very frequently). Of course, her typical nursing schedule was thrown off, but I did manage to get her to nurse around midnight. I really wanted to get some fluid into her given that she had recently vomited.
The next day was a rough, sad day. Lilah would play happily for a short time and then realize she was sick and start crying. We had to torture her by wiping her nose all day, but I tried to ease the uncomfortableness of it all by switching between tissue and a warm cloth. I also mostly dabbed because I didn't want her to end up with a raw, sore nose on top of everything else. She wasn't interested in nursing in the morning so we ended up giving her a bottle. Due to her congestion, it was just easier for her to drink from a bottle. Later that day, I was able to get her to nurse. We managed to get some solid food into her, but she puked up her dinner which probably contributed to the need to nurse more than usual in the night. It was another rough night. Lilah woke very frequently once again (even more than the night before).
Today has been a much better day. Her symptoms seemed to have almost disappeared. She is no longer congested and her nose isn't running at all. At this point, she has yet to develop a cough which I am thankful for (and I hope it stays that way).
We went to music class again this morning so just my luck, she will be sick again in a couple of days! They say that once children start interacting with one another, they are always sick! It does make sense when you think about the fact that there are more than 100 different strains of the cold and flu out there and they have yet to be exposed to any of them.
We can't isolate them forever and they need to get sick once in awhile to build up their immunity. I am not one of those crazy parents who won't allow my child to put anything in her mouth that hasn't been sanitized (although I will wipe toys down after Lilah has played with them, especially if she is sick). I really don't think we do our children any justice by being too freaky when it comes to germs. In fact, there are studies now showing that germs help children. It has been suggested that the rise in things like allergies are a result of growing up in too clean of an environment. Of course, we need to use common sense when it comes to what we will let our children touch and put into their mouths, but there is no need to be a freak about germs. Regular hand washing and basic hygiene can go a long way!
Just to note, I didn't give Lilah any kind of medication. I did buy some saline spray for her nose, but didn't end up using it. I did apply a small amount of Vaseline under her nose at one point because it was looking a little raw and sore. It is important to check with your doctor before giving any kind of medication at this age as cough medicines and decongestants are not generally recommended.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Dropping a Night Feed
My daughter hit the 8 month mark. I can't believe it! Time is flying by so quickly! The lack of sleep is also finally catching up with me. I have been tired ever since I started having to get up to pee several times a night when I was pregnant...if we do the math that means I have been tired for the past 17 months! However, it was only recently that I started to feel truly exhausted! As I mentioned in an earlier post, I have never been a napper and have rarely taken naps since Lilah was born. Over the last few weeks, naps have been essential.
It is the case that nursing mothers tend to find they are more exhausted during their baby's second half of the first year. There are a number of reasons for this:
1) Our baby's become more active and, therefore, we become more active, but we don't make up for it by resting any more than we had been resting.
2) Menstruation returns for many women in the second half of the first year when baby becomes more reliant on solid foods and is nursing less. I was lucky to have 8 period-free months, but alas this is now contributing to my lack of energy!
3) Many mothers pay less attention to what they are eating as time goes on and/or decide it is time to lose some weight and eat less. However, because we are still nursing, we need to continue to fuel our bodies properly so that milk production does not drop off.
As an aside...in a recent post I talked about the common drop in milk production many women experience around the 7 month mark. Shortly after writing that post, I started menstruating again which helped explain why I was having trouble producing enough milk. I failed to mention in that post that the return of menses is a very common cause of low milk production. It tends to be the case that your milk supply will drop most drastically before your first cycle and for some women it many continue to drop before each cycle.
Anyway, back to the main reason for my exhaustion...My daughter was still waking 3 times a night to nurse. She goes to bed at 7:00pm and would wake to nurse around 10:00pm, 1:00am, and 4:00am and then wake for the day between 6:00am and 7:00am. I was fine continuing with this schedule up until a few weeks ago when the extreme exhaustion set in.
As I mentioned in a previous post, it is completely normal for a breastfed baby to wake 1-3 times per night well into the second year of life if they continue to breastfeed. Now that my daughter has been eating 3 solid meals a day, however, I decided that I would like to attempt to get her to drop one of her night feedings. I am happy to continue nursing her 1-2 times a night for the time being, but I no longer feel 3 feedings is necessary given that she is a good eater during the day (nursing 4-5 times and eating 3 solids meals and occasionally a small snack).
As I am not a fan of any kind of cry-it-out sleep approach, my husband and I decided that we would simply try to gradually stretch the time between feedings by comforting Lilah in other ways (ie. rocking her). I was prepared for this to take some time, but after only a few rough nights we have now had 2 nights in a row during which she only woke to nurse at 10:00pm and 2:30am! This is still a work in progress because she is still waking in the night at other times, but she is getting better at putting herself back to sleep (we are now trying to eliminate the rocking and letting her try to fall back asleep on her own which has been successful).
I think that after a few weeks of nursing only twice a night, I would like to attempt to get Lilah to drop yet another feeding so that she is nursing only once each night ideally right before I head off to bed (10:00pm). As she consumes more and more solid foods, I will feel more comfortable doing this.
My ultimate goal is to continue to breastfeed until she is a year old. I may continue for longer, but at that point, I would only like to be nursing once in the morning and once before bed. This gives us a few months to gradually wean her off of night feedings altogether. Wish me luck and good luck to all of the parents out there that are feeling as exhausted as I am!
It is the case that nursing mothers tend to find they are more exhausted during their baby's second half of the first year. There are a number of reasons for this:
1) Our baby's become more active and, therefore, we become more active, but we don't make up for it by resting any more than we had been resting.
2) Menstruation returns for many women in the second half of the first year when baby becomes more reliant on solid foods and is nursing less. I was lucky to have 8 period-free months, but alas this is now contributing to my lack of energy!
3) Many mothers pay less attention to what they are eating as time goes on and/or decide it is time to lose some weight and eat less. However, because we are still nursing, we need to continue to fuel our bodies properly so that milk production does not drop off.
As an aside...in a recent post I talked about the common drop in milk production many women experience around the 7 month mark. Shortly after writing that post, I started menstruating again which helped explain why I was having trouble producing enough milk. I failed to mention in that post that the return of menses is a very common cause of low milk production. It tends to be the case that your milk supply will drop most drastically before your first cycle and for some women it many continue to drop before each cycle.
Anyway, back to the main reason for my exhaustion...My daughter was still waking 3 times a night to nurse. She goes to bed at 7:00pm and would wake to nurse around 10:00pm, 1:00am, and 4:00am and then wake for the day between 6:00am and 7:00am. I was fine continuing with this schedule up until a few weeks ago when the extreme exhaustion set in.
As I mentioned in a previous post, it is completely normal for a breastfed baby to wake 1-3 times per night well into the second year of life if they continue to breastfeed. Now that my daughter has been eating 3 solid meals a day, however, I decided that I would like to attempt to get her to drop one of her night feedings. I am happy to continue nursing her 1-2 times a night for the time being, but I no longer feel 3 feedings is necessary given that she is a good eater during the day (nursing 4-5 times and eating 3 solids meals and occasionally a small snack).
As I am not a fan of any kind of cry-it-out sleep approach, my husband and I decided that we would simply try to gradually stretch the time between feedings by comforting Lilah in other ways (ie. rocking her). I was prepared for this to take some time, but after only a few rough nights we have now had 2 nights in a row during which she only woke to nurse at 10:00pm and 2:30am! This is still a work in progress because she is still waking in the night at other times, but she is getting better at putting herself back to sleep (we are now trying to eliminate the rocking and letting her try to fall back asleep on her own which has been successful).
I think that after a few weeks of nursing only twice a night, I would like to attempt to get Lilah to drop yet another feeding so that she is nursing only once each night ideally right before I head off to bed (10:00pm). As she consumes more and more solid foods, I will feel more comfortable doing this.
My ultimate goal is to continue to breastfeed until she is a year old. I may continue for longer, but at that point, I would only like to be nursing once in the morning and once before bed. This gives us a few months to gradually wean her off of night feedings altogether. Wish me luck and good luck to all of the parents out there that are feeling as exhausted as I am!
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