Sleep Teaching

For the past few months, I had spending a significant chunk of my day rocking Charlotte to sleep for her 3-4 naps and at bedtime. While I absolutely loved to cuddle her and had been fully enjoying (for the most part) these special moments we had together, the time had come for her to learn how to fall asleep on her own in her crib (she was 5 months old).

How did I know this?

1) My motherly instincts told me she was ready (always trust your instincts).

2) She was getting so strong that when I was rocking her it felt as though I was fighting against her to keep her from squirming out of my arms. She had also taken to sleeping on her stomach and when I was holding her it seemed as though she was trying to wiggle herself into that position which doesn't really work when someone is holding onto you.

There are other more practical reasons as well.

The only way I could get Lilah to remain quiet and out of my hair for long enough to get Charlotte to sleep was to have her watch television and I was unhappy with the amount of television she had been watching as a result. Occasionally, Lilah's shows were not distraction enough. My frustration level would reach it's peak when I had been rocking Charlotte for ages and Lilah burst into the room just as she nodded off and woke her again. Before I blew my top, I needed to take action!

I am using the term "sleep teaching" because I dislike "sleep training". To teach is to "cause to know", "guide the studies of", impart the knowledge". To train is to "form by instruction, discipline, or drill". I am doing what we as teachers do in the classroom; provide support and reassurance, tailor our teaching to the individual child, exercise flexibility and make necessary changes to the lesson along the way if necessary (as an aside, I am a teacher trained to teach Kindergarten through 6th grade).

My Approach (My approach is not really rocket science and I most certainly did not invent it. Versions of it can be found in many books on sleep.)

Step 1: Nurse (Charlotte does not always want to nurse before she naps so this is not a necessary step).
Step 2: Sit in the rocking chair (where I previously rocked her to sleep) and read stories.
Step 3: Give Charlotte a little cuddle and a kiss and put her in her bed.
Step 4: In the beginning, I was staying in the room near her bedside placing my hands on her for comfort and shushing her when necessary. Gradually, I began leaving her bedside, but stayed in the room (sitting in the rocking chair beside her crib or doing odd, quiet jobs around the room) so that I could reassure her when she needed it. We are now at the point where staying in the room is not always necessary and is even sometimes counterproductive so I frequently leave and return only when she needs reassurance.

I am not a supporter of the cry-it-out approach whereby you leave your child alone until they fall asleep no matter how long it takes. However, I believe some crying is acceptable and even necessary in order for children to learn to fall asleep on their own. After all, crying is one of the strategies that babies use to shut out the world around them so that they are able to fall asleep. I have found with both of my girls that after a few attempts at teaching them to fall asleep on their own, I have been able to really quickly figure out which cries are the "I am trying to fall asleep" cries and which ones are the "I need you" cries. I don't hesitate for even one second to return to the room when I hear the "I need you" cries and give a cuddle or whatever kind of support is necessary even if it means taking them out of the crib, giving them a break and starting the whole process over again after a little time has passed.    

Anyway, it actually ended up being really pretty easy (which reassures me that she was ready). We have been at it for a few weeks now and she has put herself to sleep for almost every nap and at night from the first attempt. The length of time for which she cries varies (sometimes there is no crying at all) and is very much related to how tired (or not tired) she is. It never takes more than 15 or 20 minutes for her to fall asleep and if she is still awake after 30 minutes, I get her up and we try again a little later. Lilah has been watching less television which is great and I think we are all better for making this change.

I was hoping that teaching her to fall asleep on her own would help with her frequent night wakings as well in that she would be able to put herself back to sleep rather then needing to be nursed back to sleep. Just this week, we have started to see that and she now sleeps for about 6 hours before waking to nurse and then has a couple of 2-3 hour stretches before waking for the day. She still occasionally wakes before her first feeding, but she only fusses for a few minutes before going back to sleep on her own. Now that is progress!

A Few Months Later...

I had a little chuckle as I read my Charlotte is a Sleeper post from a few months ago. My how things can change so quickly when you have a baby. I think it is humorous that just as you start to feel like you have a good thing going, they (they being the babies) throw you a curve ball. Perhaps it is just their way of keeping us on our toes, from getting too comfortable and from feeling like we have some semblance of a routine and order.

About 2 months ago everything went down the tubes as far as Charlotte's sleeping goes (well, I shouldn't say it all went down the tubes because she was still sleeping well during the day). She suddenly started waking more often in the night (like every 2-3 hours). Gone were the days when I would get three solid stretches out of her and gone were the days when I woke up feeling rested!

For the past two months, I have been blaming/hoping it was teething. If it was teething, my thought was that she would start sleeping well again once it/they came through the gum. Alas, teeth have yet to appear and it is getting harder to convince myself that teething is causing the frequent night wakings.

It has been two and a half years since we were in this place with Lilah. Most of her early milestones seem like they happened a lifetime ago, but the sleep deprivation seems like it was just yesterday.

If I include the sleep deprivation I experienced while pregnant with Lilah, I have now been sleep deprived for over 3 years. I suppose a few more months isn't going kill me (because Charlotte WILL be sleeping through the night LONG before she turns a year old...stay tuned for the post I write next March complaining that she isn't.). The best laid plans...

*On the bright side...Charlotte does go to sleep every night by 7pm so we at least still have that piece in place!

*In addition we have been working really hard on teaching her to fall asleep on her own in her crib and the hope is that it will help her be able to put herself to sleep at night when she wakes. It actually happened last night so I am very hopeful. More to come on this soon!