Introducing A New Baby

We read books and talked about our new baby and being a big sister for months before Charlotte arrived in hopes that it would help prepare our 2-year old (Lilah) for the life-changing event that was about to occur.

I had built up images of a beautiful first-time meeting between the two when Lilah came to visit me in the hospital, Lilah being a wonderful little helper around the house and Lilah being totally smitten by her new sibling.  

As I should have known, that isn't exactly how it was all going to happen...

Lilah came down with what we think was the flu the day I went into the hospital to be induced. Not only was she sick (which rarely happens), it was also the first time I had ever been away from her overnight. She was with my mom so I knew she was in excellent hands, but I can only imagine how she must have been feeling to have both of her parents missing when she was feeling so crappy. Sadly, the fact that she was sick meant that she wasn't able to come to the hospital to meet her new little sister.

Lilah was on the mend by the time we were discharged from the hospital and I hoped she would be in good spirits when we arrived home with Charlotte. We live in a pretty small apartment and Lilah's room is the first room you look into when you open our front door. There she was lying in bed with the saddest look on her face. As soon as she saw us, the tears began to flow. She actually rejected me a little at first by turning over in her bed and facing away from me. It broke my heart because she was just so sad. After some initial cuddles with Lilah, we brought Charlotte into her room and introduced them. Needless to say, it wasn't the meeting I was hoping for.

The first few days at home were really tough. Lilah threw her first ever temper tantrum, refused to eat, and was generally sad, emotional, grumpy...whatever you want to call it. It was really hard for her to adjust to me holding and feeding Charlotte almost constantly and she would get really upset when her Daddy held the new baby. Add to this the post-partum hormones I was experiencing and you have a recipe for emotional breakdowns. I was in tears several times because all I wanted to do was hold Lilah in my arms and reassure her that things were going to be alright, play with her and have the same relationship we did three days prior.

Looking back, it was silly to make such a big deal out of that first meeting and to think that it would have an impact on the kind of relationship my daughters would ultimately develop. As upsetting as it was, I didn't need to worry that the turmoil of those first few weeks would forever change my relationship with Lilah. Here we are two months in and Lilah acts as if Charlotte has been here the whole time. She shows a genuine interest in her, tries to get her to hold toys, knows and sings her favorite song, lays beside her on her play mat and helps me out by getting diapers, burp cloths and clothes. Lilah is a wonderful helper around the house and is back to her old, happy 2-year old self. Our relationship isn't exactly the same, but that is to be expected. We still do most of the same things we used to, but we do them a little differently and we do them with Charlotte. I don't have the same amount of time I used to have to do crafts, play and read stories, but that is only temporary and will change as Charlotte gets older.

Of course, there are bumps in the road. At times, Lilah doesn't want to let Charlotte sit in her bouncy chair or lay on her play mat because Lilah thinks she needs to have a turn. Lilah occasionally has trouble sharing her Daddy with Charlotte, but that seems to be dissipating. We have good days when Charlotte sleeps and we have time to play together and we have bad days when it seems as though Lilah played by herself for most of the day. That is life. We all have good days and bad days and we have to take them one at a time and enjoy them for what they are.

My advice to parents expecting a second child (depending on the age of your older child) is to read and talk a lot about it ahead of time. When talking about the baby, say "our baby" a lot to instill the idea that the new addition is a part of all of us. Try not to make too big of a fuss out of the first meeting (and try not to build up the event in your own head either because you may not get the reaction you are hoping for). Talk to the new baby about the older child often (ie. "Look Charlotte. Lilah is painting a beautiful picture.") to make your older child feel attended to and important. Point out to your older child all of the things they can do that make them special (ie. "You can eat apples because you are a big girl. Charlotte can't eat apples until she has teeth just like you do.") A new sibling entering the family is definitely tough for awhile, but soon enough it will seem like this is the way things have always been.

The Important Things

Our house rarely gets cleaned anymore, our dishes don’t get washed as quickly as I would like, our laundry piles up until we have 4 or more loads to do at one time and our linens and towels no longer get washed as often as they used to. The pile of papers I need to file and organize just keeps getting bigger and bigger and I have very little time to cook or bake.

There are days when I feel like I have no time to just play with my 2 year-old and days when I feel like I have no time to interact with my 2-month old. I would love to be able to give my older daughter the same kind of attention I did before we had a second child and I would love to be able to give my baby girl the same kind of attention that her older sister had when she was a baby.

I am now a mother of two and rather than dwelling on all of the things that are not getting done or the things that I don’t feel like I am doing a very good job at right now, I am trying really hard every day to focus on the things that I do accomplish and that I am good at.

I am a good mother! My children are rested, clean, fed, clothed and they get fresh air almost every single day. I believe those are major accomplishments in and of themselves considering the time, energy and resources I currently have! I am doing the best that I can and I think I am doing a darn good job.

As mothers, we need to toot our own horns OFTEN because there are so many things that we do every single day for our families that go unnoticed by the outside world and that we get very little recognition or praise for.

The highlights of my day are waking up to the smiling faces of my two beautiful children and my loving husband, seeing my baby girl grin from ear to ear when I sing her favorite song, giving my daughter a colored bubble bath and reading her bedtime stories, and eating dinner together as a family (which is sometimes impossible with a new baby). They are simple things, but they are the important things. Who cares if I got around to cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming the floors? No one is going to notice that I have piles of laundry waiting to be washed or paperwork that needs to be filed. The happiness of my family is what is important and I am writing this blog to remind myself of that more than anything else.

For all of you mothers out there that are striving to check everything off of your to-do list and be the best at everything, take a moment to reflect on what is truly important and focus on being the best that you can be for yourself and for your family.